My girlfriend just wants to write letters instead of talking on the phone — or even seeing each other! Am I crazy to go along with this?

Well it doesn’t sound quite right, says our elder. Pay attention to your own needs.

Dear EWC

I’m 28 years old and have been divorced now for two years. I have recently started seeing a friend of mine. She just had a rough break up with a guy that she dated for a year but has also been friends with her entire life. We have not made anything official since her break up was so recent. Things between us have moved pretty fast — though we have been friends for a while, romantically this is new and fast. I have been in love with her for years, but out of respect nothing was ever said. She now feels the same and wants to move forward but has asked for some time so that she can get over her feelings for her ex and move forward with me. Her idea to get away and clear her head is to rid herself of social media (Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.), to delete my phone number, and for us to write letters to each other instead of talking through social media and over the phone. She believes that this will allow her to get over her ex and build us even stronger. She says that it is beautiful and romantic and something to show to our kids eventually. We will still see each other at times around work and at the gym with friends. Maybe, a lunch date now and then but until she decides she is ready no other contact. How am I supposed to feel and respond to a request like this. I love her but, am I crazy for going along with this? Please help me.

JanLynn replies

I’m sorry, but something isn’t right here. For example, how does deleting your phone number and getting off social media help her to get over her ex faster?

To my way of thinking, if she isn’t over her ex, you should let her be. If in another year or so, she tells you that absolutely, without hesitation, she’s over her ex, then you might consider being with her and see what happens. Be cautious then too, keeping in mind her unusual demands now.

For you to continue forward at this point, meeting all of her demands, takes away any strength you have in this relationship that isn’t really a relationship, but rather friendship. Both people must be equal in their desires and demands. Right now, they’re all hers and that just isn’t going to work long-term, at least in my view.

So, to answer your question, how are you supposed to respond to a request like she demands, I believe you should say that you’ll see her at the gym and around work and that’s it. Wish her well with everything, but make no promises and by all means, don’t tie yourself to her. I guess the part that concerns me most is where she wants to delete your number. There can be no rational explanation for that other than she doesn’t want her ex to see her phone and see your number. Nothing else makes sense.

I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you. I don’t judge, and I won’t say you’re crazy, however, I won’t hesitate to say that I think it’s unwise for you to go along with her “ideas”. Please do what’s in your own best interest. You’ll never regret that. Take care.

Letter #: 433930
Category: Dating/Relationship