He’s toxic but I can’t say no

I’m hooked on this guy but he keeps leaving me for other girls. What do I do?

This calls for brutal honesty, says our elder.

Dear EWC

I’m in love with this guy but everyone tells me he’s toxic. He’s left me for the same girl twice but now, they’ve finally broken up. And he’s single. I couldn’t help it, I was so excited! He keeps coming back for me to get really close and then he finds someone else. So far that hasn’t happened and we actually got really close again. We’ve been cuddling and hugging and sometimes even getting close to kissing. I keep saying that I’m going to drop him but no matter what he does all he has to do is smile and then I’m hooked. Again. I keep getting hurt and I don’t want to get hurt anymore but I love him and I can’t help it. I don’t know what I should do with this because he makes me feel so good and then I get hurt right after. What do I do?

Good-Listener replies

I understand what you’re saying about the toxic guy feeling, because most of us have been there at one time or another in our lives. Here’s the thing. You have a choice to make. He has repeatedly shown you who he is. Things are going well right now, but you’ve been down that road numerous times with him, and, to be honest, there’s no reason to think it won’t happen again. Most likely you will get hurt… yet another time. You deserve better, and deserve to be with a guy who makes you his priority. However, you need to believe that.

No judgments here, just brutal honesty needed on your part. You can continue to do what you’re doing — going back and forth, being disappointed, and heartbroken — or you can put a halt to it, tell him good-bye, and look for a guy who is available and who will treat you with dignity and respect, something the current man is not doing. Some women are so worried about being alone, that they will put up with all sorts of bad behavior (even abuse), in order not to be single. If that’s your decision, then understand what will go on, and accept it. If you believe you deserve more, then you will act and cut him out of your life. In the end, you’ll do what’s right for you. Good luck.

Letter #: 455368
Category: Dating/Relationship


  1. Dear Elders
    Thank you for your time and patience in answering all our messages.
    My neighbour told her 4 year old daughter not to play with my 5 year old son as we had past arguments and she percolated to our children.
    Every time that little girl comes and pushes my son or tells other little friends he is a bad boy.
    The mother keeps taking that girl away from my son.
    I told my son to keep distance from them, my concern is how can he handle this as it is effecting him and definitely me as his mother.
    how can i explain my 5 year old…that if someone pushes him how to handle, he gets caught up in others fights also… do i tell him certain things that he can play safe and come back home.
    I dont go to park with him ….as he is quite independent.
    Please lead my way !!

    1. Administration Reply
      September 6, 2020

      Sorry for the delayed reply — all requests for advice need to be submitted via the online form here, we’d be happy to help.

  2. I think that everyone around me is toxic. especially my Family.

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