Questioning gender identity

I’m incredibly confused. Should I consult a counselor?

It’s a complex issue, says our elder. A therapist can provide guidance and assist you in finding support.

Dear EWC:

Hello, how are you? I possess a semi-large issue. Deciphering my gender identity. Should I go about consulting a personal counselor? How should I go about doing this? I have an extremely poor memory so I am unable to recall my feelings of my gender prior to puberty. You see, I’m young and continuously questioning my gender. Whilst everyone in my class is positive of their gender, I’m dreading mine. I have a difficult time coping with physical changes of the body and strongly dislike certain parts of the female body. I often find myself layering my clothing and sporting around two, three, maybe even four sports bras at a time in an attempt to flatten my chest. Most students think of me as male prior to actually meeting me and I am also frequently questioned as to what gender I possess, usually responding with a shrug. I usually stand sideways in the mirror and adjust my clothing so I am sure I have a flat appearance just so I can attend school. I am incredibly confused, please assist me! Would you have any suggestions? Please respond soon, Thank you!

Kenti replies:

I consider your concern about your gender as a large (rather than a semi-large) issue. I do think it would be helpful for you to talk to a personal counselor. I suggest you meet with your doctor and ask for a referral to a counselor who is familiar with the complexity and confusion that gender identity creates. In some locations, there are therapists who specialize in gender identity. You might also find helpful information online. You’ll find several related articles on

A therapist can provide guidance and assist you in finding support. If you wish to tell your family, a therapist can help you with that as well. The therapist can also help you decide how to respond to classmates who question you. Depression and anxiety are not unusual, so that is another reason it’s important to be connected to a therapist and doctor. At some point you may decide to take medical steps in order to feel more comfortable in your body. While I am not advocating that (EWC does not provide medical advice), you may eventually feel a need to talk about options with professionals who have gotten to know you and your history.

Please be gentle with and affirming of yourself as you deal with this complex issue. Honor your feelings as they will guide you and help you know who you are. I wish you well.

Letter #: 450272
Category: Other

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