Is just existing really enough?

For this friend-seeker, no.

Our elder admits that being alone is lonely but you’ve got to make an effort. Read on for her ideas on how to re-connect.

Dear EWC:

These days I’ve been feeling really isolated and just lonely. I see how other people have their own friends and know a lot of other people and I’m just here existing—if that makes sense. It’s not like I haven’t tried to get closer to people or make new friends, it’s that I’m just a side character in their life.

My presence doesn’t matter to anyone around me. Even my “best friend(s)” have almost stopped texting me and whenever they do, it sounds like they’re annoyed or forced. Not just them, all of the people that I choose to text first and talk to—it seems like they feel obliged to answer; I get left unseen at times.

Whenever I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking but whenever I’m with someone—a friend no matter how close we are—I stop thinking and feeling excessively; it makes me feel light and calm. I don’t want to be alone. I know that we (everyone in general) will get through life alone, but it feels motivating to have someone you know? Your rock and support, someone you wouldn’t feel like you bother and that just wants you here—alive. I wish this didn’t matter to me but I can’t help it.

M-Sharon replies:

You are not alone. With the virus, communication has been very difficult. You almost have to make a very big effort to keep a relationship going. People have often turned inward. I have found that with some people, I have to gently remind them to keep in touch.

No one wants to be alone. So, what I suggest is that you increase your messages to your friends. Convey that you miss them, but also convey positive thoughts. You might even mention previous good times that you all had together. In other words, you need to be proactive in reaching out to friends with positive vibes. Offer to be their rock and support. Inquire about what’s going on in their lives. Tell them how much connecting with them is something you look forward to. In effect, you’re trying to start a dialog.
You can’t sit and wait for responses. Thinking about others, and trying to help is always a good thing.


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