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When to re-friend

It was a bad fight but she misses her friend. Should they reconnect? 

Our elder suggests weighing the pros and cons before reinvesting in the friendship.

Dear EWC:

I’m in kind of a difficult spot. A while ago this year, before the global atrocities, I had a massive fight with one of my closest friends. It was really, really bad, and since we had to quarantine very soon after that, I didn’t really speak to her at all.

Once school started we were forced to spend time with each other due to classes and projects but we weren’t really like what we were and it was just really awkward, and I was fine with that, and I think she also was. But recently, I spoke to her and I realized I kinda really miss being friends with her, but I’m not really sure if it is a good idea, and was wondering if you could help me out with it.

If it helps, she also happened to be one of my only friends. Thank you.

Good-Listener replies:

You’re in an interesting spot, “confused”, one that I can relate to, so I thought I’d answer. Often the people we are closest to can provoke and anger us the most because we have emotion invested in them. It happens often with friends, family members, and romantic partners.

I can’t tell you whether or not rekindling the friendship is a good idea; you need to make that decision, but my best suggestion is to sort of weigh the pros and cons. I don’t know what the fight was about, but if it was something really bad and disrespectful that she did, with intent, then she has told you who she is, and buyer beware. If it was a misunderstanding that you both have some blame for, then it may be worth seeing if you guys can still get along. I believe in forgiveness, but not stupidity, so if you feel the infractions were really not that great, allow her back in your life, with eyes open wide. Again, if she showed her true character during the past and your fight was the culmination of a lot of bad behavior on her part, then think twice. 

A few years ago I had a similar experience and in my case I made the mistake of allowing the person back in. In my situation it was a poor decision on my part, but then I wasn’t being honest with myself about who this person had become. In other words, tread a little lightly and see how things go, if you feel it’s worth the effort. Good luck.

Friendship 

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2 Comments

    1. Administration Reply
      March 5, 2021

      If you’d like to connect with an elder for some advice, please go to our website and an elder will respond. They do not respond to posts on Facebook in order to maintain confidentiality.

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