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Shifting into crush-control

She’s besotted by a soldier and not sure what to do… 

Our elder offers advice on how to take control of those unruly emotions—and move forward one way or another!

Dear EWC:

I am a 24 year-old lady who just started an internship program in October. During my first few weeks as an intern I noticed this guy; he’s a soldier. He works in collaboration with my organization so that means he’s around 2 to 3 times a week.

I started developing feelings for him the moment I saw him. I’m not particularly fond of soldiers coz they have a reputation but with him it’s different. I got so obsessed I googled him and that led me to LinkedIn where I added him as a connection and he accepted right away. Weeks later I found that he had an Instagram account so I sent him a follow request, which he accepted in minutes.

He’s a little older but I can’t help but want to be close to him. I spend most days just tryna look at him for hours, and the fact that I can’t tell him how I feel coz I’m scared he’ll not feel the same breaks my heart. I sometimes have panic attacks and my heartbeats accelerate when I see him and it’s driving me crazy.

I need help on how to deal with this. A way to move on and stop feeling helpless. Before I sleep I go through pictures on Instagram and still feel so hopeless.

M-Sharon replies:

I think that the next step is to wait for the opportunity to come up to him, greet him, and say “Hi,” as well as introduce yourself. Smile, and if there is time to start a conversation, just ask him something simple, like “How is your day going?”

In reality, strong feelings don’t really develop until you spend time with the other person and truly get to know one another. Right now, you have a crush, but you really don’t know him. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure a way to get to know him better.

However, if you would rather work on completely getting over your crush, stay focused on your work and try to expand your social circle, as well as your interests. For example, consider volunteer work, possibly taking a class, exercise activities, etc. The goal is to stay busy with things that are productive. This will improve your self-esteem and outlook.

Perhaps most importantly, stop looking at his pictures and following him on Instagram and other social media. Before you go to sleep, start reading a book or studying a chapter on something in your chosen occupation. Meditate. Put your phone and other devices away from your sleeping quarters.

You’ll be making new habits, which will definitely help break your current painful pattern.

I wish you the best.

Dating/Relationship 

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