Listen to your gut

She’s never been able to trust but this time she tried.

Read on for our elder’s take on why it’s important to trust your instincts. You know you best.

Dear EWC:

I was a young mother, and raised 4 children alone. I was molested as a child, and because of not being able to trust, I chose to dedicate my life to my children (my youngest is 24), work, and Church. I tried to have a relationship, but found deceit and manipulation was common in many. I stayed celibate for many years. I met someone and we seemed to have so much in common, it scared us both. After dating for 6 years (still celibate), he popped the question, I said yes. 

The next move may not have been the smartest, but we moved in together while making wedding plans. After the first year of living together several different women came out of nowhere, I didn’t find out until this year after starting to work from home. I don’t know if I was so happy/excited to have found someone that shared my views, interest, and goals, that I missed the red flags. He’s a handy man and his excuse is that it’s business, but I’ve seen a few texts, and emails and it’s very, personal conversations, nothing to do with business. 

After getting very disrespectful text and being called names, from someone I have never met, or even heard of, I found out this month, that they have had a weekly meet up since last year. He says she is just a friend, but he gets very aggressive if she is even mentioned; this comes after being told he doesn’t communicate with her anymore after I started asking questions about her last year. 

He says they are just friends, it’s never been sexual, but I cant believe that since she has never been the topic of our conversation. He says I am insecure, nosey, and destroyed by past relationships, but my gut is telling me it’s more than meets the eye.

Good-Listener replies:

I always try to be an optimist and look for the positive, however; in this case, I feel your instincts are correct. I don’t believe what he’s telling you, and do think he sees ladies on the side who are not “just friends.” You have been harassed by one of his “friends.” And he’s essentially blaming you for being upset. And, how is being a handy man an excuse for becoming involved with a client? Is he helpless and can’t control himself?

You deserve better. You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you with dignity. This guy is not doing that. He gets aggressive and tries to put the blame on you for being suspicious, when the truth appears obvious.  

I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, and I’m sorry you find yourself in a relationship that isn’t working out as you’d hoped. You have a choice to make. 

Often women will remain in a partnership even though the other person is behaving badly, even abusively, because they are afraid of remaining single. If that’s the case with you (no judgments), with that comes the self-honesty of knowing the bad behavior will continue and it must be accepted. 

Or, you can move on and decide you are still looking for a man who will treat you with love, understanding, and consideration. It’s not easy, but call me an optimist. I think it’s possible. Good luck! 



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