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He’s ‘the man’; I’m a ‘whore’?

A boy at school is lying about what we did. How can I repair my reputation?

Don’t let this boy have power over you, says our elder. You will get through this.

 

Dear EWC

Hello, I hope I’m not bothering you. I really need advice on what to do about this boy who keeps spreading lies about sleeping with me. So what happened was there’s this boy who I’ve known since elementary school and he and I were assigned to be partners for a Romeo and Juliet project at school. He came over to my house so we could work on the project and after an hour or so we took a study break and we started talking. I liked talking to him and then he started leaning in to kiss me. I let him because I thought he was a good guy and it’s a nice feeling when a good-looking boy wants to kiss you. I know I probably sound like an idiot because that’s just how I feel, but at the same time I’m a 15 year old girl – I’m not going to be this perfect little princess. After a while of kissing, he tried putting his hand up my shirt but that’s where I drew the line and told him that I wasn’t ready to do this and he stopped and went home. 

The next day though I noticed a lot of girls looking at me and whispering and pointing and a lot of guys were catcalling me which was unusual. I asked my friend about it and she told me that the boy had told everyone that he ‘did it’ with me. I am absolutely disgusted and I feel ashamed like I asked for it, but I’m also angry at him for doing this to me, I keep seeing him in the halls surrounded by guys bragging about things that we didn’t do. I just don’t get it, how come he gets to be ‘the man’ while I get called a whore and a disgrace to women? It makes no sense! I tried telling people he was lying but they told me, “That’s what they all say when they’re embarrassed.” What should I do? I don’t want this to follow me all through high school! I want my good name back! How do I make him admit nothing happened? How do I repair my reputation because I’m tired of all of this.

 

Scriber replies

I’m really sorry that this guy is going around telling lies about you. It sounds like this boy’s ego couldn’t handle rejection when you stopped his hands from going up your blouse, so now he’s going around lying about something that never happened. This boy is trying to make himself look big, especially around his male buddies, but there are ways you can put him in his place and stop the lies. Don’t let this boy have any power over you or be in control of this situation. 

One way to handle this situation is to completely ignore it. You don’t need to provide a long explanation when you try to defend yourself if people make comments. If you feel a need to respond to the comments, keep it short, like, “It never happened.”  Right now some of the other kids at your school are gossiping and saying nasty things about you, but this newest topic will lose steam as soon as the next gossip item comes along. Right now the boy is getting a lot of attention from his buddies and he’s like a mini superstar to them. But his buddies, and everyone else, will probably soon figure out that he’s lying. And remember, the girls who are participating in spreading these rumors also risk subjecting themselves to the same treatment at some point. How would they like it if their classmates spread a similar rumor about them? They wouldn’t like it at all. 

I understand, though, that you want to clear your name and you want him to admit that nothing happened. So, another way to handle this situation is to confront him directly, right in front of his buddies. You can fight fire with fire by very strongly humiliating him, much like what he’s trying to do to you. Laugh in his face and let him know that you’d never allow someone like him to touch you. I’ll leave the rest up to you of what you can say. I’ll give you a hint – you have to attack his ego. Look him straight in his eyes and don’t back down as you say what you need to say. This will let him know that you’re not intimidated or scared of him. Then, when you’re finished saying what you need to say, walk away with your head up high. When he sees that you’re not afraid of him and that you’re not going to be some meek little mouse who is going to accept these lies, he’ll start to back off. He may try to put on a fake macho face in front of his buddies, but he’ll get the message that you mean business and that you’re not going to put up with his foolishness. 

If you don’t want to do the direct, aggressive, confrontational method as I described above, you can also ask your parents to get involved. They can be the ones to confront the boy. I’ve seen this method work very effectively. I know the parents of a young girl around your age who arranged a meeting with the boy’s parents, which included the boy and the girl and both sets of parents. During the meeting, the father of the girl demanded an apology and a retraction of the lies that the boy was spreading. Long story short, the boy admitted that he lied and apologized to the girl in front of both sets of parents. The parents also recorded the entire meeting! Justice!

You can also ask your parents to arrange a meeting at the school with the principal. If the boy continues to spread lies, there could be serious repercussions for him. 

What this boy doesn’t realize is that other girls aren’t going to want to be bothered with him because they won’t be able to trust him. He’s actually ruining his own reputation by going around lying about you. Your reputation will be restored because you’ll continue to walk with your head held high because you know that you haven’t done anything with this boy. He’ll be slinking around like a sleazy weasel and none of the girls will want to go out with him. He’ll lose his credibility, if he had any in the first place, because people will think of him as a liar and a fake. 

I truly believe you’ll get through this situation. Your reputation will be restored and the other kids will realize that this boy is a liar. Unfortunately, what happened to you is something that happens to some teenage girls. I remember stuff like this happened when I was in high school. Boys would lie about having sex with a girl and then the girl would try to prove that he was lying. These are some of the negative dynamics that can happen as you grow up. You’ll learn that some people can’t be trusted and that some people will lie about you. 

I hope my advice was helpful. Perhaps you’ll decide to use one strategy, or a combination of the different suggestions I gave you. Maybe you’ll even think of some other ways too. Whatever method(s) you use to handle this matter, I can assure you that this boy will back down. I predict that he will end up looking like a fool. 

Article #: 473475

Category: School

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