University is not for me

I have no social life and university drains me mentally. How can I change?

Our elder has some tips on how to find a course, and career, that feels right.


Dear EWC

I am a university freshman with no social life at all, locked inside my bubble. I went to university because this is the usual thing to do in my country. And me being a weak and spineless person, went with the flow although I knew that something was wrong. University drains my mentally: I constantly have to complete tasks that have absolutely no point; the pace is too fast for me to actually comprehend the material. I want to allocate more time for self-studying and improving the subjects that I am genuinely interested in and that can help me make money in the future. I noticed that I play the same game as in school – I am hunting for grades and exam scores. Last semester I ended up with decent exam scores but with zero knowledge in my head. I realized that university is my last step before diving into adulthood and I am incapable of anything. I have a mindset that a negative grade or a direct remark from a teacher would ruin my life, thus I never take the risk to actually try deviating and studying what I need. 

For two years now I have had tough relationships with food and accepting myself. I have no reason to work or take care of myself, eat healthy, exercise, wear clean clothes and so on. I often fall into procrastination. I know I am the only one to blame, but despite acknowledging that fact I cannot get over myself and change. I don’t have any friends at all and my relationships with family are also not the best ones. Basically, there is no person for me to talk to and seek help. There are so many other aspects I can mention but I guess these are the main ones. Thank you in advance for reading and answering my letter. Have a nice day.


GeorgeK replies

University is not for everyone. And it may not be right for you. Or it might not be right for you now. Of this university might not be right for you. Or this course of study might not be right for you.

My name is George K and I am an EWC elder. The research and experience we have shows that people perform best in school when they study something that they enjoy and have some talent for. That usually leads them to a career in which they excel and succeed in. Very few people know what that might be at your age, and without some help. This is not your fault. It does not make you spineless and weak. 

The study of this area tells us that people who strive for grades and for money and success do not perform as well and are not as happy and successful as those who do as you suggest – find an area they enjoy learning about and have some talent to perform. So, do as you suggest. Find what that is for you. 

I cannot do it for you. But I can point you to some tools. In many countries, universities have counseling departments who have aptitude and interest tests, interview and worksheets to find out where you should direct your learning. What is your doesn’t?

Look at other schools. See if your government supplies that. Many countries have employment bureaus that do this, often for no cost. What if yours does not?

Use the internet. Type things in your browser like “what should I study in university?” or “career counseling”. You might be surprised at the help you can find. You also might talk to professors, friends, family about careers. When you find something that you might like, type in “careers in accounting” or “careers in psychology”.

What you are feeling is normal. This happens to many students. Very few people wind up working in the career they start studying, so do not be concerned that you are abnormal or failing in life. This is not so. You are just trying to find where you will fit in, succeed and find fulfillment. Do not fear this journey. It is discovering and steering your future and is very important.

You are asking the right questions. Follow up rigorously and enjoy what you discover!

Article #: 471859

Category: Self-Improvement

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