And scared to tell my mom!
You have options, says our elder. But do tell your mom – you’re her daughter and she loves you.
Recently I’ve become absolutely terrified that I am pregnant. My period is over a month late and I have no adult to turn to. I have a very strict mother who would kill me if she found out I was worried that this was even a possibility. So far I’ve turned to my closest friends (none of whom have been pregnant before) and they told me that no matter what they would be there for me, but that obviously doesn’t ease all of my worries. The father (if he is one) is aware, and he’s as terrified as I am. He’s 17 and I’m 16 and I know I am way too young to be a mother. Still, as much as everyone is telling me it’s a bad idea, I would like to keep the baby. My friend is going to get me a test soon, as soon as he can without the pandemic getting in the way. I desperately need advice from an adult on what to do if it turns out positive.
I understand why you are so scared. You and your boyfriend were not planning for you to get pregnant, but you might be anyhow. In fact, if your period normally comes on time and now it’s a month late, you probably are. The first thing you need to do is take a pregnancy test. These tests are very accurate, and you can buy one in any drug store. Once you take the test and know for sure you are pregnant, you will have to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or not. This is a very important decision, and you may need help making it. In my opinion, the best person to help you make this decision is your mom. I know she’s very strict and not easy to talk to, but hear me out. There is no one in this world that cares more about you than she does. She’s strict with you because she loves you and wants the best for you. Besides, if you are sure you want to keep your baby, you will have to tell your mom about it anyway because there is no way you will be able to do it without her help.
I won’t lie to you: when you tell your mom, she will just be as scared and worried about the situation as you are, and her fear may come off as anger. She will be worried about how this will affect your future because she knows how hard it is to have a child, especially at your young age. But once the initial shock wears off and she calms down, she will help you because, no matter what, you are her daughter and she loves you.
Choose a time and place when you can count on having complete privacy to tell your mom. Be completely honest with her: tell her that you have a big problem and that you need her help. You are in a tough situation and by facing it in an adult way, you will be showing your mom that you have the maturity you will need from now on.
Once you confide in your mom, you and she will be able to decide together what to do. If you think you might choose parenting or adoption, you need prenatal care to make sure you stay healthy during your pregnancy. If you’re thinking about getting an abortion, you will need to make an appointment as soon as you can. Abortion is very safe, but there are more risks the longer you wait. And it can be harder to get an abortion as time goes by. The staff at your local Planned Parenthood health center can give you accurate information about all your options, answer your questions, and offer support (Call 1-800-230-PLAN). It’s a good idea to consider all your options, but in the end, this is your decision, and no one should pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
Talking with someone about your feelings can be helpful, too. You can talk with your mom about your feelings, but you can talk to your friends, to your boyfriend, to your school counselor, and to other adults that you trust too. If you’re having a hard time finding someone in your life to talk with, check out All-Options. All-Options has a free, private hotline where you can talk about your pregnancy and get support, no matter how you’re feeling. This is their number: 1-888-493-0092
I hope this helps. I am always here if you want to talk more about this. I hope you will talk to your mom soon. When you do, please try to write back to let me know how it goes. I care about you and want to make sure that you are OK.
Article #: 459629