How can I make true friends?

This letter writer “hates herself” and feels that she can’t get close to other people. 

Our elder recommends some baby steps to set her on the path to liking herself again.


Dear EWC

Hi, I am 21 years old now and I have been through some slight traumatic family drama that still takes up my energy and anger and I might bring that up to my friend way more than I should but I was so used to not telling anybody about it. I am trying to be more restrained about it, but I am trying to work on myself, I hate myself way too much. But this is not why I came to you; I feel like there is something wrong with me seriously. I am being totally serious about this. I feel like I can’t make any true friends or I am incapable of anyone choosing me over another person. I have good social skills kinda but I can never get closer to people like other people do? I don’t know why people don’t like me before I even try. I feel lost, sad and hopeless that I will ever get a true friend let alone a best friend. I hate myself so much and I can’t keep taking it. If I can’t ever get close to anybody or anybody to truly like me then what’s the point of even living? I am sad and miserable with my home life and everything in my life, I feel truly alone.


Mrs.G replies

If you hate yourself, as much as you say you do, how can you expect other people to like you? We attract other people by our actions, our words, and how we feel about ourselves. Our viewpoint on life is also a contributing factor. Because of this, if we are in a negative mood, we could attract others in the same negative mood; but if we are in a happy, positive mood, we can attract others who enjoy life also. With that said, it would help you now to take a close look at your life and how you are spending your days. Forget about getting friends at the moment and concentrate on yourself.

You said you’ve been through some traumatic family drama and it appears you have tried to talk to people about it. That is understandable, but I think you are choosing the wrong people to talk to. I don’t know what happened, but if you can’t seem to get over it, you need to find someone who can help you. Maybe there is another relative who could help you or maybe you could go to a clergyman if you belong to a church. Plus, there is also professional help available. You could check with your doctor or local mental health agency to learn if there are counselors available who could help you.

But, back to how you are spending your days. Are you employed? Are you in school? What are you doing? It would really help to take a look at exactly how you are using your time and then find ways to get more quality from what you are doing. It’s not good to waste your time and it’s not good to do nothing, especially when you are sad. If you have too much time to think, you will become more unhappy so you need to find ways to fulfill your days with something you enjoy.

I believe you could turn your life around by trying to accomplish something and trying to better yourself. Maybe taking a night class at school could be fun for you. If you could use your alone time now to be productive, you will begin to like yourself. And then you will attract friends. Once you have something to share with people, other than your problems, you will find people attracted to you. You will be fun to be around.

I hope you understand what I’m trying to tell you. And I hope you can begin taking some action to improve your days. It doesn’t have to be anything big either. Sometimes tiny steps lead us to a better life. Think about it, OK? And give it a try. I sure do wish you luck and hope you can begin liking yourself again. Take care.

Article #: 480219

Category: Friendship

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