I’m going nowhere!

I feel like I need to be important but I don’t know what to do with my life. 

You are already valuable, says our elder. Accept who you are, and your future actions will decide the rest.


Dear EWC

I don’t know what to do with my life. I feel like I need to become someone who is important. I feel lonely every day. I don’t know if I am really bisexual or not, I don’t know if I should go back to college or not. I feel like I can get more out of life than what I already have. I pressure myself to become successful by 24. I am upset because this pandemic destroyed some of my plans. I think I am a narcissist (not sure). I feel like crying.  Every time I think, because I know my life is not going anywhere. I don’t know what to do with my life.


Grandpa-Matt replies

You are not alone in the confusion between understanding your value as a human being (who you are) and what you do or perform in life.

In looking at who you are, we need to look at how this distinction shows up in your life. When you came into this world as a baby, you had all the qualities of the heart. You were lovable, creative, living in the present, and had curiosity and vulnerability; you were precious, interested and interesting, charmed and charming. You had, and still have, all the qualities that we look upon as valuable in life. This is who you are.

Your questions of :

  1.   What to do with my life?
  2.   Can I be successful by age 24? 
  3.   Is my life going anywhere?
  4.   Should I go back to college or not?

All have to do with future action, behavior, or performance.

So who you are is a person with capabilities, and what you do remains unknown until you decide to take action! Saying that your life is not going anywhere is an inaccurate statement. Every time you make a mistake and learn from the error, you gain knowledge and wisdom. This doesn’t require you to gain education only in college. Also, you writing to us for information and feedback furthers your life’s progress.

Your claim that you need to become someone important is overlooking that you are already important to yourself. I say that because even questioning narcissism on your part shows some degree of self-importance.

I’m guessing that your feeling of not living up to your expectations at this time is destroying your self-esteem. The fear that somehow you are not good enough, lovable enough, smart enough, valuable enough, etc., has taken over your consciousness. As a result, I believe you have rejected a large part of yourself. So, the negative image you have for yourself gets in your way of recognizing your actual value. 

The self-rejection stops us from admitting what we want. We all want recognition, appreciation, acceptance, admiration, respect, attention, being valued, recognized and cared for, and cared about. These are all surface behaviors describing the need to be loved. The insecurity you are feeling is a result of a poor self-image and lack of self-confidence. I’m guessing that it is a replacement, in part, for your failure to love yourself enough.

It all comes back to forgetting that you are that same lovable creature to whom your mom gave birth. Once you decide that you are worthy of love, start loving and respecting yourself more and more. This includes appreciating that you are good enough, that you are OK. Acceptance is the key. Embrace who you are, and your future actions will bring you success.

I hope this advice will help in keeping you on the path to fulfillment.

Article #: 481021

Category: Other

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