My personality has changed recently but I don’t want my friends to find out.
Stop trying to hide, says our elder. Let your true self out and your true friends will stay with you.
Dear EWC
If you have lots of requests this might not seem very important but I couldn’t get help anywhere else. Recently I’ve really been faking my personality in front of my friends. My personality was changing but I wasn’t really sure if people would notice so I just decided to pretend things were how they were before. Of course, it got worse as my personality changed more but I didn’t really know what to do because I basically dug a hole for myself. It’s so weird pretending to be innocent and stuff and honestly it makes me feel like the worst person on earth. I might be able to get used to it but that doesn’t seem right. Also, I don’t want people to think I’m a fake friend! So what should I do?
Good-Listener replies
I understand what you’re saying more than you know. The same thing happened to me when I was in my 20s. And it was a problem! It became frustrating when I presented as one thing, but was a different person on the inside.
The question is how to integrate it… and it’s not always easy. We all have different facets of our personalities. Sometimes when we’re really comfortable one person may evolve, when not so comfortable a different one may show. My “innocence” became a nuisance for me until I found a way to integrate or become more of myself.
You have to decide on who you feel you are inside and let that show. Trying to hide anything creates more frustration and anger… and that can come out all over the place in ways you might not expect. Sometimes it means changing environments of one type or another, or realizing some of the people you’re hanging with are just not good for you, or you become uncomfortable with them. I had to clean house a little. It’s very individual, so you need to figure out who you really are and act accordingly.
It might be helpful to seek some therapy if this becomes overwhelming. I did and it helped but it took me a few tries to find the right therapist. Without realizing it, my old personality was coming out in the early sessions, and they were not treating the real me, but the old personality I was trying to shed.
The good news is that you do recognize who you are inside and can make these changes. I don’t think your friends (if they are true friends) will call you fake. They may develop more respect for you if you are being your true self.
This won’t happen overnight – but let the person you really are start to come out with any new folks you meet and see what happens. Good luck.
And, by the way, don’t ever feel that your questions are not important. If an issue is important to you, it’s important to us – that’s what The Elder Wisdom Circle is here for!!
Article #: 466383
Category: Friendship