But how do I choose the right guy?
Our elder has some wise words for a letter writer who worries about being “boy crazy”.
Dear EWC
I’m 17 years old and I have a problem. I personally think I’m too boy-crazy. I don’t mean I flirt with every guy who crosses my path and I’m definitely not a boyfriend stealer and I don’t cheat on or with guys. I just feel attracted to several guys that I meet and think they’re hot and sometimes if we get along real nice, I sometimes picture myself marrying them someday and having a family. I’m a good student and I want to go to college, travel, live freely and become a famous author, but someday I do want to fall in love and get married and have a family of my own. I’m afraid I’ll choose the wrong guy and get a divorce and I’ll never have that happily ever after. What I need advice on is: How do I stop being so boy-crazy and stop being super attracted to multiple guys? How do I carefully find the one? How do I fall in love with someone and love them no matter their appearance? Is there something wrong with me?
Pure-Sue replies
First, may I share that there is nothing wrong with you! You want everything to go well in your life. Bravo! So, a little boy crazy in your case is more investigative. Especially as you said, you don’t flirt, steal or cheat. You sound delightful, excited, bouncy, and fun.
Even with your amazing outlook, I understand your concern and questions. It can be off-putting to find your head swirling with desires and expectations and so many choices, thoughts and emotions too.
You are wise to inspect your thoughts privately, and, understandably, you want to discover what your attractions are about. Here is the secret, it is also a great way to know more about yourself too.
Knowing yourself in all phases of life is crucial to living a happy life because you’re informed and not just leaping into situations. Of course, you can’t predict the future to a tee, but you can make sure you are solid and strong and wise on the way to it. Learning about yourself will help your journey forward.
The way to control your boy-craze, and this may sound weird, is to find Vivien. Get a little closer and notice some of your patterns and where you learned them. Not to blame anyone, simply for information. This phase of feeling yourself through attractive boys is an education, and you are learning about yourself. I suggest you go more in-depth with that.
Keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and discoveries. You’re the author of your own story. Once you begin to notice your patterns with a guy, and how picky you are, what turns you on and what turns you off, you are building a file cabinet filled with your name on it. Sometimes you have to find what you don’t want first, and then even more answers will come to you.
How you find the one is through discovering who isn’t the one as much as what qualities you are attracted to and what you are projecting about yourself. Do you like yourself in this experience? Note it. Are you easily angered, very opinionated? Note it! Do you like to take charge, or are you easily led? Important things to know before finding the one.
This potential life mate wants to find you too. Doesn’t that sound good? He is setting up his criterion as well. The best matches happen when both people know themselves well and share their good and bad qualities, and are willing to learn and change when needed because it feels right to do so.
You both should be able to shift and grow because that’s love. It should be organic and because this person makes you feel that you can be true to yourself and become that famous writer, or not, and he will be there to support your goals and self-discoveries without confrontation or rules. That’s love.
Your remark about loving someone no matter what their appearance sort of says you wish you could do that, but you’re more attracted to the handsome and fit guys instead. Perhaps there is someone now that you are drawn to that doesn’t fit the typical guy you date, but he is there, making you think. If that is the case, I suggest as long as you’re mindful, which you say you are, discovering why you are attracted is an amazing reason to move in that direction too!
Again, rest assured that it is not a bad thing to find yourself attracted over and over. I suggest that you discover patterns about your attractions and or lack thereof so you can have clarity about yourself and others as you grow and change through life.
That way, you can begin to detect the subtle treasures about a guy along with the obvious outward appearances and how those subtle findings make you feel. The inner reflections that show through even in the shy guy or overweight ones. The beauty of magnetism compared to outer beauty.
Discover what attracts you and why? The body stance, the outgoingness, the shyness, the reserved, the brainy one? What energies they and you give off? Note it!
By looking deeper within yourself, you are developing important skills and discovering more about your needs and perhaps misconceptions about love, relationships, marriage, and family.
Is there a relationship you know closely or one you have seen in a film that models the relationship you desire? If so, use that as your goal, all the while allowing your own truths to be your guide as you step out of the box, independent and able to stand alone first, mindfully, and with care.
It sounds to me like you are more afraid of making a mistake than choosing a guy that will be fun and kind and a good match for you at this time. I hope my thoughts will guide you to let go of the fear and enjoy life, knowing everything will work out because you are discovering and finding a way to make that happen!
Let me know if you wish how your life unfolds. Bring your unique qualities to the table. Go travel, enjoy college and be happy now without finding the one. That will come in time.
Article #: 474734
Category: Self-Improvement