I want to date girls but I don’t want to look like a playboy. Should I keep asking them out?
For sure, says our elder. Just treat the girls you date with respect.
Hi. I’m a freshman in college, and I’ve tried dating girls from my school. So far, I’ve gone out with two, both of which have turned me down. The first one, because her parents don’t want me, and the second one because she was too afraid of commitment. I feel like I’m moving from one crush to another, and I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I want to ask a new girl out, but I don’t know if I should. I mean, I know that I could, I just don’t know if asking a lot of people out on dates is healthy, or good for my reputation (one of my friends says I might end up looking like a playboy). Should I keep going for it, asking girls out on dates, or should I wait for love to find me?
I’ve been happily married for 41 years, so I think I can help with this one.
The whole point of “dating” is to get to know people so that eventually you find the person you want to marry. In order to find the right person to marry, you shop and try people on for size. Note: This does not mean that you sleep with everyone you “date”. Dating is the process of finding the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with – the woman who will make a good wife and a good mother to your children.
Dating should be done in a fun, casual way. Go out and do fun things. Double date with other couples, too.
Dating does not have to be expensive. There are lots of fun things you can do that don’t cost any money. Make sandwiches, grab some chips, cookies, and soda pop, and go for a picnic. Go for a ride in the country, or a ride on a river road. Go get ice cream cones together. Go for a walk on the beach. Go on a scavenger hunt. Go window shopping and out for a hamburger. Go on a bicycle ride. Go to a minor league baseball game (major league games can be expensive). Go to a play or music recital at the college. Play with a Frisbee in the park. Enjoy a local museum or community event. Go to a local cultural event.
If you decide you like each other, go on more dates together. Talk. Listen. Learn about each other. Find out about each other’s hopes and dreams.
The problem in the last few years is that young people think they have to choose one person solely on looks, and then make a forever commitment. Trust me – it does not work. Before any commitments are made, you should be dating for a while. Get to know each other before making any commitments. Save the physical relationship for the person you marry.
“Dating” a lot of girls is very healthy. You will not be seen as a playboy unless you abuse those girls. Treat them with respect and dignity. Don’t expect, nor encourage, a physical relationship until you find the right woman and get married. Find a woman who has self-respect and dignity. You won’t find the woman who will make a good wife and mother in a bar or club. You will find her volunteering in the community, serving her neighbors, or worshiping in a church. You will find her in the grocery store, or you will be introduced to her by a friend.
Let your friends know that you are looking for a nice girl with good moral values, and tell them you are open to meeting someone if they know someone who they think you will like. Volunteer in your community, and you will certainly meet women who care about others and who will make good wives and mothers.
You only have to worry about the playboy image if you act like a playboy.
I hope that helps. If you have questions or problems in the future, please write to Elder Wisdom Circle. If you feel so inclined, please tell others about us.
Article #: 422380