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Three’s a crowd

Do I need to invite my roommate along every time I have a date with my boyfriend? 

Er… no, says our elder. Sit them down and clarify the boundaries.

 

Dear EWC

Was I in the wrong? I am friends with a group of two people. I am dating one of the people in our group, and the other has temporarily moved in with me until their new lease starts in a few weeks. Last night was Friday night, and I wanted to do something, so I asked my bf if he wanted to go out and get dinner. He said yes, and I started getting ready. Pretty soon afterwards he came over very early, and I was still in the shower. My neighbor/roommate was in the living room, and talked with them until I was prepared. My bf and I got dinner, and then went back to his place for couple time. Today, my roommate said I should have told them where I was going last night because we’re all friends. They do not like going places they haven’t been before or eating at new places either. Even if we had invited them along, they wouldn’t have eaten anything, and I wanted alone time with my bf. We’re both adults, and my bf and I are going to go on spontaneous dates without them. Was it rude to not tell them we were going on a date night that was planned 30 minutes beforehand? I did tell them as we were headed out the door. I don’t believe I have to tell them when I am going out, or who I’m going out with.

 

Salvador replies

No, you were not rude.

You are not obligated to them regarding your social life. Granted, if you had invited them or had previous agreement to do so, then it would be. But I do not think that is the case.

Their not liking going to eateries not visited before is irrelevant to the situation. The point is that they expected for you to tell them where you were going as if it was mandatory.

I suggest you sit down and explain that to them. If they do not want to accept it, you stand your ground. However, the backlash could be a tense situation with them. After all, there are your living arrangements. Do you want to live with them if the situation becomes tense? It is a call you have to make whether to keep the same arrangement or not. Sit down and consider the pros and cons of that decision. Regardless, reiterate that you are not accountable to them about your social life. Doing so clarifies the boundaries between you and them. Hopefully, they will accept your decision and life goes on without any other major incident and animosity.

I hope this reply helped you and that it all works out between you and them.

Article #: 490472

Category: Friendship

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