Ghosted by my online crush

He made me feel bad so I deleted him. Did I do the right thing? 

You were right to unfollow him, says our elder. But I’d like to encourage you to meet young men in real life instead.


Dear EWC

So, I’m a very sensitive person and I feel everything very deeply inside. I was talking with someone online (not a lot but we were friendly) and I really liked them and had high expectations of our relationship and had a minor crush on him (I’m a girl btw). One time I asked this person something (how was your day or something like that) and they completely ignored me. It completely broke my heart and I thought I said something wrong. I deleted the app from my phone for two months. When I came back after summer was over this person hadn’t reached out to me because he had many other people to talk to. So, I reached out to him, we started talking again for a couple weeks, then I told them: “Hi, I love talking to you, how’s everything?” And they ghosted me again. That felt super awful and I felt really down for a whole day. Then I decided this person makes me feel like crap and I’m going to delete them, so I deleted them and unfollowed them from all their social media. Was that too much? Was I obsessive over him? Or did I do the right thing? Help.


PJC replies

I think you did the right thing. I’m not sure why you tried the second time with him. Perhaps he thought your innocuous questions were too personal. But frankly, I see nothing wrong with what you asked him.

I want to encourage you to find young men in your vicinity to date in person. It’s OK to meet them online and to chat for a bit (maybe three times), but after that, I recommend that you try to get them to meet you in person. Do something easy, like a daytime walk or a coffee or lunch. Have several of these kinds of meetings, if possible. 

Real relationships happen in person, not online. So, the sooner you get to meet the young men you’re interested in, the sooner you will discover whether there is mutual attraction between you and the sooner you will discover whether you want to continue the friendship or whether you want to move on.

I understand that you are a sensitive soul. But I want to encourage you to become more resilient. Meeting young men, determining whether or not you want a relationship with them, dating them – that all takes courage and perseverance. You can have your sensitivities, feel them, release them, and then move on. To a large degree, finding the right partner is a numbers game. So, the more resilient you can become, the easier it will be for you to move on from the men who are not right for you to find the one who is.

Article #: 490793

Category: Self-Improvement

One Comment

  1. Perfect spot-on advice. Too much online time is a waste of time. It’s the face-to-face time that will dictate the relationship.

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