A birthday date with my ex?

She says she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, but should I ask her out? Some things are hard to get over, says our elder. Ask what it would take for her to feel loved again.


Dear EWC

Well, me and my girl just officially broke up a couple of weeks ago. We were living together but it got so bad I had to move out or she was not coming back home. For our first year together, I treated her like crap and I started to realize that she wants me and started to gain feelings but the last two years it was us arguing back-to-back. About the time I wanted to change, she lost hope and said she just does not want to keep trying. Now I have moved out but she still has a few of my things I am letting her use until I get a better apartment. She still texts me even though she said she does not have feelings. She also stated in our last interaction she does not want to have anything dealing with me. 

So, I was confused when she told me good morning, yesterday through text and I have just decided to keep texting her and I told her good morning and gave her a message stating that I am always here. But I just want to know how I can get her to not fall in love just yet but to try things out again. Her birthday is also in a couple of days (like in five-six days) and I want to take her out… I was wondering if that would be a good start and ask her for her permission first, probably two days before her birthday.


Jan4you replies

There are several things I would like to mention to you, but do what you want with this information. Just know that all of us have second thoughts after a breakup. It seems the good memories start to flow and tempt us to go back. None of us are all bad but often we can get irritated, frustrated with someone we love once we live together. I do not know what issues you both were arguing about but there are some deal breakers after being hurt that are hard to get over. 

My concern is someone with a lack of anger control. You cannot be rational when in a rage. Not sure if you get these outbursts but if you do, what kinds of things do you say or do? Does she have a temper or is she breaking down in desperation because of all the arguing?

The best thing you can do for any relationship is to work on you. Know your triggers. Know any unresolved feelings especially of hurt. Are there any childhood issues that trigger you in a new relationship? 

I could probably help you with more information if I knew more about you. But trust me, if trust has been lost it is challenging to get that back once broken. You want her back, ask her what it is that she needs from you to feel safe, to feel loved. Compromise must be in all relationships but it takes practice. None of us can get our way all the time.

I am here for you. So, I will send you hope, courage to change and healing hugs!

Article #: 494597
Category: Dating/Relationship

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