How can I get my mom to accept my autistic boyfriend? He’s going to propose to me. Maybe she just needs to get to know him a bit better, says our elder. But why the rush to get married?

 

Dear EWC

Hi, I need some advice for my mom and her boyfriend to see the good in my boyfriend. I keep telling them that he’s not a bad person and they keep blaming his autism on his actions, and apparently, he’s a bad person for having autism. I love my boyfriend to death and I’m marrying him but my mom and dad won’t let me see him outside of school. I just want my freedom because I am almost 18 and I need to figure out what I want but I cannot with my mom and her boyfriend trying to tell me that they are just trying to protect me when he hasn’t hurt me, not once! I just want them to accept him because if they do not, I’m not letting them come to our wedding. He is proposing to me this year but they do not want him to. It is not up to them. He said that he is proposing to me after my 18th birthday and they still do not want him to.

 

Scriber replies

Hi, it sounds like you really care about your boyfriend and you’d like your mom and her boyfriend to care about him too. It sounds like they have made certain judgments about him that you believe are false. Perhaps they need to get to know him better. Have you thought about inviting him over to your house several times in the near future so that they can have an opportunity to interact with him? 

I think you should also try to educate your mom about autism so that she can have a better understanding of what it means for someone to be on the spectrum. There are many sites on the internet that can help enlighten her. She will learn that autism, or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) refers to a broad range of conditions. Everyone is different. Some people with autism are highly intelligent and highly educated, like Dr. Temple Grandin, an American scientist and activist. Once she becomes more educated and informed about autism, she may start looking at your boyfriend differently. She may start to learn to accept him instead of making certain assumptions about him that may not be true.

I personally think that someone who is 18 years old is way too young to get married for so many reasons that are too numerous and complex to fully explain in this letter. Most 18-year-old individuals don’t have the necessary maturity and life skills yet to be prepared for what all is involved in being married. How will you pay your bills? Where will you live? There are many things to consider. If you were my daughter, I’d encourage you to go to college after high school or get some kind of training for a good job. You have your entire life to get married. However, if you’re really determined to get married at a young age, I highly recommend that you and your boyfriend get some counseling together. Being married at any age is not always easy, but being married before you had a chance to explore life after high school is even more challenging. What’s the rush? I recommend that you take your time. 

I wish you the best. Slow down and take your time before you jump into marriage. Please feel free to write back at any time if you’d like more advice. 

Article #: 495546
Category: Dating/Relationship