I met this guy online but I’m embarrassed to tell my friends about him.
Sounds like you should listen to your feelings, says our elder. He doesn’t sound like The One.
Dear EWC
Hey. I’m a 20-year-old girl who never was in a relationship before. These days a guy that I met last summer for a test contacted me on Facebook and we started talking a lot and I developed feelings for him and we agreed on dating. The problem is we are from a very different level of living. He lives in the countryside while I live in the city center. He works in another city very far from me and I have never met him. He is not handsome at all. He is kinda poor while my family is rich. And I’m sure if he wants to marry me, they will refuse him. I really feel so sorry because I look at these things (money and beauty) but I even felt embarrassed to tell my friends that I’m finally dating a guy. I showed his picture to a friend and she said eww. He is so nice and he truly loves me but I’m scared if I hurt his feelings. Should I stop dating him or ignore this feeling that I’m having?
Owl replies
I’m glad you wrote, and hopefully, I can help you make up your mind. First, long-distance relationships are hard to maintain and often do not work out. Secondly, solid relationships have some common ground, so yes, money and beauty do matter. Why? Because they matter to you! You said you are embarrassed to tell folks about him; that’s a telling indicator that perhaps, this is not the man for you.
There is also the fact that you two have never met. Chatting online gives you a feel for a person and can help you gauge whether you want to know him further, but it does not replace meeting someone in person.
I am not bad-mouthing online meet-ups or dating. I have good friends, co-workers, and a niece that have found love that way–with three now happily married. Still, if you can, concentrate on human interaction: the face-to-face kind. The only way you’ll get to know someone is with an un-orchestrated relationship. That way you can see how he reacts as the day/night progresses and as things pop up. Then, you can accurately judge whether that person is worth getting to know better. Former users of online dating apps tell me that it almost always takes several tries before you find a “keeper” worth pursuing further.
Here’s a fun little gem I found after research: “The average woman will kiss 15 men, enjoy two long-term relationships and have her heart broken twice before meeting “The One.” That means you are in the game, but need to move on in your quest to find “The One.”
Question for you: Do you work or are you in school? If so, don’t forget to explore those optional ways of meeting men. Those are the best since you can get to know someone before committing yourself further. Plus, there is a built-in safety factor as you can put him in context and judge based on his friends and behavior.
I wish you luck. I also hope you have a wonderful time dating further. As my friend said about her less successful meet-ups, they still provided a pandemic diversion, excitement, and exploration. Plus, they broke up her routine. She kept her attitude positive, and when it didn’t work out, she crossed them off her list and proceeded onward. I loved her attitude! She maintained that each person taught her something new about herself. (By the way, she is now in love and thinking about making her new love much more permanent.)
I want to add one more thing. Remember, you don’t need another to make you whole. Because this is your first, I think you are intrigued by the promise, and kind words are very comforting. However, your letter mentions an attraction issue, a culture divide (city/country), and a wealth dichotomy. Before anything else, you could use a nice dose of self-confidence. Check this out: I think you will love it. You can even incorporate dating into some of these steps. https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/63-ways-to-build-self-confidence.html
My vote is to move on, but don’t stop searching, exploring, and growing. Let your adventures continue while savoring all the sweet moments, and shrug off the others. I think you’ve got this.
Article #: 488608
Category: Dating/Relationship