I’m not pregnant, but she is!

My girlfriend got pregnant and I’ve decided to stay with her. How can I tell my mom? 

Just share your truth with her, says our elder. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.


Dear EWC

Advice needed. To start I am 19 and my senior girlfriend is 17. We’ve been together for two years. We are both girls and she got pregnant. I found out before her and she later told me but breaks down when she talks about it and says it’s too hard to speak about. She told me she’ll never be comfortable talking to anyone about it. I believe she was harmed in some way. I decided to be there and stay with her. How do I tell my mom so that she will approve? She always says she’s happy that I or my sister aren’t pregnant. I don’t fully know what happened to explain to her. I am in college and the baby will be born soon. My girlfriend doesn’t understand why I am nervous to say something. She says if they don’t approve, they just won’t ever see the kid.


Ruby-Mary replies

Thank you for reaching out to EWC. I will do my best to give you positive insight to consider as you decide how you should present this information (regarding your girlfriend’s pregnancy) to your mom. Kudos to you for deciding to be with and stay with your girlfriend during what seems to be a difficult time for her. Your decision to stand with your girlfriend currently tells me a lot about you and your love for your girlfriend.

I think it’s important that you get your questions answered as soon as possible. You’re thinking your girlfriend was harmed in some way. I’m sure you are hurting as you wonder whether or not your girl was harmed and became pregnant as a result. I’m thinking your thoughts are racing and you need to know the truth about how this happened. Again, you have decided to stay with your girlfriend to support her, so I’m assuming you will be there throughout the pregnancy term and also after the baby is born. It seems you’re ready to commit to supporting her. Again, good for you! 

Please know that your support is commendable. I want to encourage you, however, to get answers from your girlfriend before considering how to present this information to your mom. If your girlfriend was harmed, that was obviously a traumatic experience! I hope you will have a serious open and honest talk with her about what happened. This should be a priority. The two of you can then decide how to move forward. Your girlfriend will need your support as she figures out how to get the help she will need to get through this pregnancy and move forward to raise a child. If she was harmed, it’s extremely important that she seek professional mental health (counseling, therapy) to deal with the trauma.

I understand that you are concerned about how to tell your mom that your girlfriend is pregnant. Of course, that is important, but it’s also very important that you and your girlfriend are clear about your future relationship and commitment as you move forward. If the two of you have a plan for your future, it will be easier for you to share the pregnancy information with your mom. You will be able to share the truth. The sooner you share the truth and your future plans with your mom, the better you will feel about breaking this news. Don’t focus so much on what your mom has told you in the past about not getting pregnant. You can’t change her thoughts and opinions about that. You can, however, give her the truth about your feelings for your girlfriend, your feelings about the pregnancy and your plans for your future with (or without) your girlfriend and her future child. 

Like your girlfriend, I’m also wondering why you are so nervous to tell your mom. Is it simply because you know how she feels about you and your sister getting pregnant or is there something you don’t want her to know about your relationship? I, of course, don’t know why you’re nervous, but I’m hoping your mom will appreciate you sharing your truth with her. I’m sure she will appreciate you making some very mature and difficult decisions while keeping your future happiness in mind. I’m sure your mom’s most important concern is that you continue your education and stay focused on the happy future she wants for you.

Thanks again for reaching out. Hopefully, I’ve given you some helpful insight regarding how to tell your mom about your girlfriend’s pregnancy. My positive thoughts are with you. 

Article #: 491314
Category: Family

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