Stressed by my online friend

I want casual conversation; he wants more. 

Why are you wasting your time with this person, asks our elder. Pull the plug!


Dear EWC

Hi, I’ve been talking to someone online, and there seems to be a mismatch between needs. We are in two different countries. We started talking on Twitter and then went to Instagram. We were talking for a few hours every day, which I tried to explain to him a couple of times was getting a bit much/stressful for myself. He also seems to want to be good/true friends, where I’m just looking for talking, maybe casual friends as for me we wouldn’t be good/true friends as it’s not like we would be able to go out and do things for instance. As well he was making a big to-do when we switched to chatting on Instagram that I wasn’t accepting his follow request as for Instagram and Facebook the only people who follow me are people that I know. He kept going on about me not trusting him (not true), that he didn’t say anything wrong. 

As well he also said, “Finally you respond” when I got back on and I just said that I had other things to do and he was going on about me being rude. When I explained what it sounded like to me, he was just saying that it was saying that he was glad I was back. As well he was saying that I have too many walls around me, that I should try breaking them and that I should be open to new things. Which are complete lies, he also doesn’t really like to converse, he just asks questions so I sometimes feel more like an interview than anything else. What would be the best way to handle this?


Loretta replies

I hope I can give you some clarity, so that you can decide what to do.

I am rather confused as to why you simply don’t discontinue communicating with this person. You are looking for a casual friend, and it appears that he wants a closer relationship. He’s called you rude, yet you feel you owe him something. He has accused you of not trusting him. He criticizes you for not being open. He doesn’t converse, but asks questions. And why should you trust someone you have never met?! In my opinion, he has manipulated you into being defensive. He’s made you so uncomfortable that you are writing for advice! 

I can’t think of a single reason why you should waste your time with this person. Surely there are others with whom you can correspond, who will be pleasant and respectful? I think the best solution is to honor your own feelings and pull the plug on this correspondence. If you would like to write again, I would be glad to hear from you. 

Article #: 497051
Category: Friendship

One Comment

  1. This man is a manipulator. He’s already got you twisted in a knot over how he feels regarding the conversations you have had with him. You stated what you wanted and its not going like that. Stop communicating before it becomes messier or, most likely, more complicated ending with him asking you for money, a dangerous meet-up or similar things. Find someone to talk to online who is respectful and willing to accept YOUR boundaries.

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