Oh baby! 

My friend and I don’t really talk anymore. Do I need to go to her baby shower? 

Our elder gives this letter writer their blessing to say no.


Dear EWC

My partner has a childhood friend – we will call him J. Over the years, my partner has distanced himself from J for various reasons. He had an affair while engaged in 2020 and is just an overall prick. J got married to his high school sweetheart – we will call her E. My partner and I both attended the wedding in 2021. She was always nice to me and they would come over to hang out and we would do a couple things/activities together. That slowly stopped over the past year. I have no issues with her but I do think she talks badly about me behind my back. 

Anyways, they’re expecting a baby girl in August. She messaged me last week asking if I got the invite to the baby shower and I told her no I didn’t. She said her mom sent them out early May but knows that a few people never received theirs in the mail. The baby shower is on 6/11. I told her I would let her know if I could make it and then she sent the baby registry link. I had to go to her bridal shower by myself where I knew no one and apparently the baby shower is girls only as well. I don’t feel like I wanna go because I’m not close with her and over the years we don’t talk much anymore or hang out. I’m not sure what to do.


Jenspen replies

Thanks for reaching out to EWC. I read your letter carefully and fully understand your situation and how you are feeling. 

I think that the last sentence of your letter says it all. “I don’t feel like I wanna go because I’m not close with her and over the years we don’t talk much anymore or hang out”.

I would follow your gut instinct. There doesn’t seem to be any real reason for you to attend unless you are looking to reignite your relationship and to me it doesn’t sound that way. She sent you the baby registry link before you even got an invitation! To me that is a little pushy and rude. 

Sometimes we do things that we don’t really want to because it’s the “right” thing to do. In my opinion this is not one of those occasions. You don’t hang out with her and you are not close. I would thank her for thinking of you and wish her well with her new baby but unfortunately you are unable to attend. You are not obligated to send a gift unless you want to. You could send her a card – if you want to, but again it is not necessary.

Lots of times friendships change over time and people drift apart. That sounds like what has happened here. That’s perfectly normal and no need to worry about it. I might be wrong on this but by sending the registry link without the invitation it sounds like she is hoping to get as many gifts as possible.

Don’t feel pressured. Do what feels right to you. Don’t put yourself in an uncomfortable position. I hope you have found my advice helpful. Please write back and let me know what you decide to do. I am confident you will make the right decision for you. 

Good luck and take care!

Article #: 496671
Category: Friendship

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