No goals, no friends


I’m empty inside. Can our elder help this letter writer find their motivation?

Dear EWC

I feel like I am empty inside. I don’t have goals or friends, I live literally for nothing, everything is moving fast, I need to chill but there is no time for that. I want to live in peace with no worries about the future. I am only a human being so why are my decisions that important? I don’t want to be a hero, I just want to do what I want, but as I said earlier, I am empty so I don’t feel the desire to do anything.

Grandpa-Matt replies

I think the opposite of feeling empty is for you to create some happiness in your life. If you genuinely want to pursue happiness, surround yourself with positivity and see beyond your present circumstances to the bigger picture, both in terms of people and your place in the greater universe. 

It is part of our instinct to pursue happiness. In the same way, we seek to experience physical pleasure and avoid physical pain; we seek emotional pleasure and attempt to avoid emotional pain. Our emotional enjoyment, or what we can call happiness, is simply part of human nature. 

Seeking happiness is personally motivated because we believe that getting something we want will make us feel better. We focus on what we can give rather than get when we seek meaning. We strive to contribute to the greater good in ways that help us feel fulfilled. When you participate in volunteering for charitable works or some community events, self-satisfaction will be our reward.

It appears you are not motivated right now to fill that emptiness that you experience inside. Generally, fear is what stops us from pursuing our goals and dreams. The “desire to do anything” is blocked by our thoughts of hopelessness about the future. We all have a past containing experiences, memories, events, and decisions. We all have this present moment (in which everything happens right now). Anything coming after this moment is a fantasy. Some call it the future, but it is only your choice of a negative fantasy or a positive fantasy. You, and you alone, get to make up what it is. 

I’m sure your negative emotions seem very real to you at this point. What is reality?

Reality is what we take to be true.

 What we take to be true is what we believe.

 What we believe is based upon our perceptions.

 What we perceive depends upon what we look for.

 What we look for depends upon what we think.

 What we think determines what we perceive.

 What we perceive determines what we believe.

 What we believe determines what we take to be true.

 What we take to be true is our reality. 

The bottom line is that your thinking about yourself controls your attitude about life. Either you are OK or not. Your Reality is whatever you think it is. Choose wisely! It is a matter of choice to decide that you are OK and capable of doing your best. As long as that is good enough, you are fine. Your next job is to build your self-esteem. Start by reading this article on the website. There you will find many tips to assist you in discovering who you are.

I believe when you learned to crawl and then walk, I’m sure you didn’t harbor those fears. You just stayed in the moment, did not think about the Future, had no negative fantasies about falling again, confidently took step after step, and did it although it was full of uncertainty. And so you are successfully walking today, fearlessly! Check out this website about future fears.  

Let’s consider motivation. What will motivate you to action? In the sport of greyhound racing, an artificial or mechanical rabbit is used as a lure to encourage the dog to chase it as fast as possible. With these animals, their drive is more instinctual than psychological. Here is where you differ from the animal in the metaphorical race you are engaged in. I don’t think the animals choose whether to do their best or not. Human beings do have a choice. 

  1. What is the factor that will change your outlook? Only you know the answers, and we are just looking at the possibilities. If, for example, your favorite person’s life depended on completing a group of tasks, would you do them quickly and to the best of your ability? Or if $5 million was given to you tax-free to complete tasks, would you put the immediate effort to get the money? I’ll bet you would get right on the job. Or if $5 million wasn’t enough, how about $10 million? I believe everybody has a price, and it is all down to a question of motivation. 

If you want success, happiness, appreciation, and self-acceptance, you need the courage to go through the experience of fighting any thoughts of uselessness. Study for the sake of learning, growing and expanding your competency. You will feel better about yourself. You are valuable and worthy of bringing out the best in you. Go for it. I hope this advice will be helpful. Please write back and let me know how you are doing.  If you find our advice useful, please consider sharing EWC with your friends, either in person, through email, or through social media.

Article #: 486760
Category: Other

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