My girlfriend is in pain and can’t handle a relationship. 

The only thing you can do is back off and give her space, says our elder.

 

Dear EWC

Hello there. My girlfriend wants to break up with me because she can’t take it anymore – the abuse of her family, the unfair treatment that she’s been going through. Because of that she can’t handle being in a relationship. I love her so much that I comfort her and understand her pain deeply. She can’t focus on our relationship because her heart is in so much pain she doesn’t want me to be included because she feels like she’s a burden to me because she can’t reciprocate my love for her. I don’t know what to do. I want us to stay together. I keep on making her feel special and loved but she feels I deserve a better partner. I don’t want to because she’s the only one I want in my life. 

Can you help me understand what to do and what should I say to her? I really love her genuinely. I don’t want to lose her but she keeps on pushing me away. I feel like she doesn’t care for me but at the same time she told me that she really loves me because I’m the one who’s always there for her. It’s a mixed signal and it’s bothering me. Please help me as soon as possible because I really need it. My anxiety is getting highly stressed. Please and thank you.

 

Good-Listener replies

I’m so sorry you’re going through this dilemma with the girl in question. It must be hard to watch your friend go through what she is experiencing and not be able to help. Which is exactly the point. From what it sounds, you have done everything you can to help this lady through her troubles, but you can’t solve them for her, and you can’t force anyone to take help when they don’t want it. The only thing you can do is accept her wishes and give her space. I’m afraid that if you don’t back off a little, she may decide to push you away completely, and that would be a sad thing. 

People can’t be forced to do what we want them to. Even if we see them making mistakes or think we know what’s best for them – adults make their own decisions and we have to accept that. Yes, you may be receiving mixed signals, or you may be seeing what you want to see and not what really is.

My best advice is to keep the lines of communication open so that if she does want your help, she can reach you. But to put your life on hold and stay stuck in the hopes that suddenly her life will change and that she will now want to resume what was, isn’t fair to you. You could end up missing out on the rest of your life – and other nice ladies who are available and may want a relationship. Often men and women will not move on from a situation because they are afraid of being alone, and have a fantasy of things working out that may be unlikely to do so. If that’s your choice, then – no judgments. However, it means accepting the consequences of sitting around and being subjected to disappointment, because your hopes and fantasies are not being realized. I know in the end you’ll do what’s right for you. I hope you will either move on, or can find some peace in remaining with the current circumstance. Good luck!

Good-Listener

Article #: 498209
Category: Dating/Relationship