A risk that didn’t pay off

I gave her flowers, but now she’s hugging her ex on social media.

Our elder has some reassuring words for a shy letter writer dipping a toe into the dating game.


Dear EWC

This is mainly about a girl. But it’s been two years since I left college with a degree in digital communications as a man in my late twenties with anxiety, very shy, with a license but with not enough confidence to drive. So far, I’ve been in different programs traveling to different places for work. Nothing to do with communications. Yet there’s been some fun times and confusing the point where I question why I even went to college first. 

I’ve met so many people. And this girl. She is probably the nicest person I met in this program but given our positions there was no dating. We went out to different places together and she even asked me to take her out to relax from work. The time I spent with her I felt like I wanted to spend more time with her. On the day before the program ended, she seemed off and I was going to give her flowers. Then she said she was sad because she broke up with her boyfriend, which she hadn’t mentioned. She hardly told anyone. She talked about being restricted, not valued and he was nice but she wasn’t feeling him. We sat there and hugged and I eventually gave her the flowers to show how I appreciated her during the program. We live in two different states but I saw on social media a few weeks after she posted a picture the boyfriend sent of them hugging and she thanked him. I don’t know about their circumstances but I don’t feel right about it. Plus, broken hearted.


Good-Listener replies

I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped with the girl in question. Sometimes that happens. It has no reflection of you as a person, but it can be that the timing is off, or one’s expectations or fantasy simply is not what is going on. She could be going through things you don’t even know about (which sounds like the case).

You sound like a really nice guy and a caring person. Who knows what kind of a relationship she was in with the other guy. They may have been going strong but had a disagreement or needed a break but were bound to get back together. You can’t control what others do, but you did make the effort with her – so don’t devalue the fact that you took a healthy risk in giving her the flowers. 

There will be other ladies. Don’t let this one experience dissuade you from asking another girl out, or showing her and others who you are as a person. It’s a numbers game, and we’re like objects running around in space. Some bodies are compatible, and others aren’t. Some will bounce off each other and others will stick. I do understand how hard this has been, but the important thing to take from the experience is that you can feel for others and you can take a risk, even if things don’t work out. Until eventually, it does work out. Try to get out of the house and do something fun – take a new class, volunteer for a cause you are passionate about, participate in activities you enjoy – and when you are at your best, you’ll attract the best to you. Good luck!

Article #: 498181
Category: Friendship

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