This letter writer is struggling to make new friends at college, while her high school friends seem to have no problem. 

Stop comparing yourself with everyone else, says our elder.

 

Dear EWC

I am alone. We are already in our college years (freshmen). Some of my friends from junior high school attend the same university I go to. I’m kind of jealous of them because they already have new friends, and somehow, I feel left out. I’m really having a hard time making new friends (I don’t know why), so every time we cross paths in the university, they all just smile at me and walk away because they are with their new friends, so I always ended up being alone every time we were having face-to-face classes. It saddens me because I do not have anyone to talk to. Especially when they are posting on social media and having a blast with their lives while I am rotting on my bed. I just can’t describe this feeling.

 

SavtaP replies

It is so hard to watch your old friends act like everything is wonderful when you are struggling. You see I say “act’ like everything is wonderful. Believe me, it is hard for everyone to adjust to college and to make new friends. Everyone at your age seems to question themselves. Am I good enough? Am I as good as she is? They are all asking themselves these questions. Some people just leap into friendships without caring who they are joining up with, and before long they no longer want to be friends with them.

Stop comparing yourself with what anyone else is doing or how happy they seem. Social media is the worst. Full of fake smiles and fake information. My grandsons (also college freshmen) have decided to stay off social media for just that reason. Meet real people face to face instead of online. Try it for a week and see how it feels.

I suggest you be gentle with yourself. Take your time getting comfortable with your new environment. Your new classes and teachers. Reach out to someone else in your classes who looks like they are alone and ask them about themselves. Have coffee with them. Ask them Where do they come from? What are they interested in? etc. etc. Asking other people about themselves is a good way to meet new people and to decide if they are someone you want to be friends with. You get to decide who you want to be friends with.

Article #: 500710
Category: Friendship