They forgot my birthday!

Then they laughed about it on Instagram. Should I call time on this friendship? 

Our elder lays out the options for a letter writer who was ghosted by their best friend.


Dear EWC

Hello, I recently turned 16 (my birthday was yesterday) and my best friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday. They forgot, then posted about how they forgot on their Instagram story. At first, I thought it was funny and laughed, but then they ghosted me, didn’t apologize, and didn’t end up wishing me a happy birthday at all. Things like this have happened in the past and I feel really stupid for reacting when they do, but this one really hurt. I feel like they stopped caring after a while and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking about this with them but they aren’t confrontational and we never really discuss it. I really, really care about them but I don’t want to sacrifice my own well-being to make it work. My question is should I tell them about how I feel, or distance myself? I appreciate your help!


GrannyJ replies

I’m sorry it has taken a while for someone to answer your letter, and I’ll be glad to offer my advice. First of all, it’s not “stupid” to feel badly when a friend or loved one does something hurtful. These are the people we rely on to be supportive of us in both good and bad times. 

I’m not sure why your best friend ghosted you and “stopped caring”, but, sadly, sometimes those things happen in a friendship. As time goes on, you may find that people will drift in and out of your life, and you will make new friendships as old one’s fade. Maybe your friendship with this person is fading, as well, but you will have to be the one to decide if that, indeed, may be the case.

My suggestion is to mention to your friend that you were hurt by their recent actions and behavior, and disappointed, because you didn’t feel that was the way a best friend would behave. You might even add that you would like to remain friends but you are wondering if they feel the same. The reason I am suggesting that is because people can’t correct a behavior if they aren’t even aware of what they did. In addition, their response, or lack of, will let you know if they want to continue the friendship. If they don’t, then you will have to accept that, and move on with your life.

Of course, you may also choose to leave things alone and just distance yourself. Let the friendship fade on its own, and focus on existing friends and activities that make you happy. You will feel better about things as time goes by. It is certainly up to you to decide which course of action would be best for you, but I suggest choosing the one you feel will give you the most satisfaction and peace in the long run.

I hope my advice will be helpful, and I wish you all the best. Please write again if you need more advice. Take care, and good luck!

Article #: 500354
Category: Friendship

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