A letter writer’s boyfriend never wants to go out with other friends. Is this a big deal?

Absolutely, says our elder.

Dear EWC

I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been together for more than two months. He is my first partner ever and I am his second. He is pretty close to perfect. One thing that bothers me however is his reluctance to accompany me to gatherings with other friends. One part of me says to just leave things the way they are, and that I shouldn’t force him to do what he doesn’t want to do. Another part of me just says… that is messed up, we are together and should attend things together as other couples do at least once in a while. How do I handle this issue? The people I am invited to hang with keep insisting I bring him, and I really want him to come with me. How do I get him to understand how messed up it kinda is?

Excelsior replies

Socializing with mutual friends is part and parcel of a couples’ relationship, and a way for the two to get to know each other better and to draw closer. Is your bf someone who never likes group socialization, or is it something about your friends? Whatever his reason, the disparity in your viewpoints on this isn’t something small — it’s huge.

We can’t change others, not expect them to change for us. Our options are to either accept another, or to leave the relationship. I suggest you let your boyfriend know that this issue really concerns you, and that having him in your social life is really important to you. You do feel that way, don’t you? Keep in mind that love is supposed to make us feel as if we’re with our best friend, as well as being our boyfriend.  His response to your comment should give you a good feel on whether or not this is someone you want to keep seeing.  

Letter #: 421939
Category: Dating/Relationship

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