A letter writer is concerned about her boyfriend’s relationship with his new employee.
You’re right to be troubled, says our elder.
Dear EWC
I am 45 years old and have been seeing my 61-year-old boyfriend for five years. He has been a private naturist since I’ve known him (enjoys doing anything he can in the nude as long as there were no guest or children) and has encouraged me to be the same. Unfortunately, I just can’t wrap my head around it and am not comfortable being nude unless I am bathing or being intimate.
He has recently hired a new 22-year-old employee who is the granddaughter of friends of his. She is your typical 22-year-old that posts on Instagram a dozen times a day. She lives with her grandparents and often invites him over to eat with them all. She has also gone out of her way to bring him food that she has cooked for him and has told him that she wants to meet a guy just like her grandpa to spend her life with. This is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable but I realize that it is probably just my own insecurities coming out again.
I just found out that he is planning a vacation with his new employee and her grandparents next month. Fair enough, he’s been friends with the grandparents for ever and has known this girl since she was young. The kicker is that they are naturists. He’ll be spending a week buck-naked with the 22-year-old new employee. I am not feeling at all comfortable with this situation and now wonder if they are all nude together when he goes to their home for dinner, to drop off a paycheck, etc. I have caught him in a lie in the past (lied about spending time with an ex girlfriend) and my trust is a little broken. Is it appropriate for him to spend naked time with his employee? Am I overreacting?
Phil replies
You have a unique problem and I hope I can be of some assistance.
It is a little strange for a 22-year-old to bring food to her employer. Whether there is more involved is anyone’s guess, but I suspect that he is enjoying the attention, if nothing else.
He has lied to you before, so it is only natural that you suspect things are going on behind your back. He may be a really nice guy, but his preoccupation with his young employee is troubling, at least to me it is.
Here is the whole thing in a nutshell. You knew, and have accepted, his lifestyle within the nudist arena. You don’t share those beliefs, but you don’t condemn him either. This is going to continue and he is going to go on trips with people he enjoys in the nude, face that fact. You are always going to wonder whether more is going on than sun bathing and, since you don’t go along, may be jealous on more than one occasion.
In my opinion his nudist lifestyle, contrary to your own, is difficult to accept within your relationship. I propose that you may wish to gently remove yourself from this gentleman and find someone who shares your more conservative beliefs. Sometimes we just need to accept the fact that significant differences in a relationship are just too much to overcome. In my opinion you and he are too different to have a happy ending. If I were you, I would move on in my life and develop interests in men who have hobbies more to my liking.
Letter #: 417537
Category: Dating/Relationship