Could my girlfriend and her brother be a bit too close? They keep getting nude in front of each other.
It’s a tricky one, agrees our elder — maybe it’s time you found a place of your own.
Dear EWC
My girlfriend has a very close relationship with her older brother. They’re comfortable with one another, which is completely fine. But here lately I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with how close they are. He ended up staying the night last night. My girlfriend went in to use the restroom while he was showering; he finished showering and got out while she was in there. He went into our room and changed. I’m assuming he wrapped himself with the towel before getting out. But I don’t know. Fast forward to today, I was folding laundry when she came into our bedroom to change and he came in the room also. She got completely naked and changed right in front of him with me in the room. Should I be feeling guilty about it makes me uncomfortable? Should I bring it up to her and tell her that I think it’s weird and doesn’t like it? I know different families are more open about things like that but it just really bothers me that they are sometimes nude in front of one another. And it bothered me that she was nude in front of me. I don’t want to upset her by making it into a big deal with something she feels and perceives as normal. But I can’t help how I feel.
Paul-Dad replies
Your discomfort with the open nudity displayed by your girlfriend and brother is easy for me to understand. It would have made me very uneasy and uncomfortable if it had happened in my (long ago) dating days.
You should be comfortable to speak to your girlfriend about this issue. Find a time that the two of you can spend some time alone and uninterrupted. Let her know that you are very uncomfortable with her nudity in front of you and her brother. Quickly state that you have exactly no thoughts that their relationship is inappropriate. Just emphasize that you don’t share their comfort with nudity involving opposite-sex siblings. Tell her that it’s just different from the way you were raised and there’s no way you could ever not be shocked and uncomfortable when it occurs. Keep it about your feelings and concerns, be very careful to not be judgmental or accusatory.
I don’t know your ages, but I’m guessing that you are living with your girlfriend in her parent’s house, along with her brother, and possibly other family members living there? If so, your influence is limited as you’re basically a guest in a home that obviously has a long history of accepting nudity between your girlfriend and brother, and perhaps by other family members as well. By the way, if you’re living at your girlfriend’s parents home, you should be contributing to rent and utilities, as well as household and kitchen chores.
After your polite talk with your girlfriend, she may agree to a level of modesty that’s acceptable to you. On the other hand, she may feel insulted and express anger by anything from hurtful words to an insistence that you move out. It’s a risk you’ll have to take if you share your concerns and feelings in this matter.
Might circumstances allow you and your girlfriend to move out to a residence that only the two of you share? If that’s not practical at this time, could you begin to look for a new place plus the finances that would make that possible?
This is a tricky problem. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out for both of you.
Letter #: 402913
Category: Dating/Relationship