Why are you still in prison?

I’m in love with a man who’s in prison and he lied to me about his release date.

Our elder suspects he is not to be trusted.

Dear EWC

So I’ve been talking to/dating this guy that is in prison for something he didn’t do. He says he loves me and I know he does. He keeps telling me he is getting out soon. He was supposed to get out yesterday but he lied to me just to keep me around cause he says he doesn’t want to lose me. He says he isn’t going to be out of prison until next year he thinks. I really want to stick by his side cause I love him so much. And my heart is stuck on him. What should I do ? Should I wait on him or just leave it alone until he gets out?

Willow replies

The scenario you have written about is not uncommon. It’s not unusual for men in prison to strike up conversations with young women. In time, those women can develop feelings, waiting impatiently for the man to be released so they can begin their relationship together.

I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but often that dream doesn’t match the reality. Since this young man is in prison, you aren’t dating, but simply talking with him. And what you know about him isn’t based on your personal knowledge of the type of person he really is. What you know about him is what he’s told you, and it’s important for you to realize that some or all of what he’s told you about himself could be lies. It’s very common for men in these situations to claim they are incarcerated for something they didn’t do.You say he lied to you about when he was being released, and it’s quite possible he lied about why he is in jail, too. It’s also common for them to profess their love and say all the right things, giving the woman what they think she wants to hear in order to keep her attention. Sometimes that is motivated by actual interest in the woman, but more often it’s a way to gain a woman’s affection in advance of a request for money or some other type of favor. I’m sure you are telling yourself that this man isn’t like that, but many women before you have felt the same way. It’s not possible for me to know whether this man is well-intentioned or not, but it’s important that you take everything he says with a healthy dose of skepticism. The odds are that he is not being honest with you.

I have only what you’ve written to go on, and your letter doesn’t tell me why you feel you love this man. It isn’t clear why your heart is stuck on a prison inmate who has lied to you, but I promise that you can do better. Do you envision a future with someone who has a prison record and who has lied to you? What you deserve in life is someone who is honest, hardworking, who has your best interests at heart and who is present in your life to build the type of in-person relationship in which real love can grow.

My advice to you is to move on from this man. Don’t waste any more time with someone who is not able to be the honest and loving partner you deserve. Don’t wait for him. Walk away, and focus your attention on someone who deserves your time, attention and affection.

I wish you the best. Thank you for writing the EWC.

Letter #: 415214
Category: Dating/Relationship

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