I was bullied in the past, and now I want to let all of that go and build a better mindset. Any tips?

It sounds like you’re on the right path, say our elders. You’re on your way!

Dear EWC

Hello! Just wanted some input: Does it take time and practice to get over/undo behaviors influenced by being bullied? When I was in school (I’m in my mid 20s now) and during my first job I was treated as strange and also at times was taken advantage of. Plus all the typical verbal and physical aggressions. At this point in life I kinda consider myself an introvert, not that I see anything wrong with that. Nowadays though, people haven’t been as cruel to me. But I think I still feel like I can’t be assertive ‘cause I have a bit of a gentle nice girl reputation. Also physically I’m no Victoria’s Secret model nor a budding athlete. I admit I still care about what others will think… and if I were to get upset or speak my mind, I would shock people. I’m not sure why I feel stuck into that thinking, though. Soon I’ll be looking into therapy or life coaching but it’s an issue of affordability for good quality ones. I know that I can’t get medical or therapeutic advice here. So I just want to ask if anyone of my elders here have gone through a lot of work tweaking out a paradigm in their head. How did the process feel?

Beacons-of-Light reply

We are a group of seniors living in a retirement community and are glad you wrote to Elder Wisdom Circle. The first thing we want to tell you is how proud we are of the fact that you are taking something that happened to you and using it as a learning opportunity to get stronger and be a better person! People that have lived through our generations have experienced very hard times, lived through wars, depressions and we’ve found that those things have allowed us the opportunity to grow, learn, and become more self-sufficient, capable human beings who appreciate what we have!

We are sorry to hear that you were bullied; however, we want you to do your very best to try to let go of the past. It sounds like you are already on that path, and have taken some important steps; keep it up! It takes courage to stand up for yourself and we know that’s not easy but we also believe that you can do it. It sounds to us like you need to pick your battles and decide what things are worth speaking up about. Another thing that we all agree on is that life is about compromise. There’s nothing wrong with being a nice girl and believe it or not, just about everyone on this earth cares about what other people think. It’s just not in our genetic make up. However, you can decide whose opinions matter, and learn to shrug off criticism from people whom you don’t particularly care about or respect.

We want you to practice positive self talk. When you find yourself having a negative thought regarding your life or yourself or your body image we want you to stop yourself and turn it into a positive thought. Re-word it so that it isn’t a criticism! It certainly takes practice but remember you’re worth it. You might want to find out if there are any support groups in your area; a support group could be a good “in-between” until you can afford therapy and/or life coaching.

Honestly, we all believe that you have the power to be the captain of your own ship and steering the boat in the direction you want to go but it’s not gonna happen overnight. You need to be patient with yourself.

We are wishing you the best of luck now and as you discover how to be the greatest version of yourself that you can be! You’re on your way.

Letter #: 442689
Category: Self-Improvement

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