The guy just won’t take a hint!
Our elder counsels a letter writer who is being harassed by an older boy at school.
There is this guy a few years older than me who just won’t take a hint. I mean I’m dating someone, and he knows that. I’m a freshman and he’s a senior, and I knew him last year as well. He used to touch my leg and try to get close to me but I just walked away and I finally told him that he made me feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t touch my leg anymore but he still hangs around alarmingly close to me a lot, and I just want him to leave me alone. I really don’t want to be his friend but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and he ends up doing something crazy or something, especially because he knows the person that I’m dating so he could say a bunch of stuff about me. And I know that the smartest thing to do would be a confrontation or telling the school counselor but for some reason, I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m tired of going to bed thinking of excuses to avoid him or what he might say or do and how I can leave as quickly as possible.
Telling this guy that touching you makes you feel uncomfortable was the right thing to do but you also need to make it very clear to him that you are dating and that you love the person you are dating and that you have no interest in dating him and that he needs to stop hanging around so close to you and respect that you have a boyfriend and are not interested in him. Tell him this in person but away from his friends and yours, even if you have to say, “Could I speak to you in private a moment?” Also tell him that you are trying to work this out with him rather than going above his head to the assistant principal or principal, and getting him in trouble. Say that you are giving him a chance to stop but that if he doesn’t you will be forced to go above him to get this stopped.
Then talk to your boyfriend about the situation and warn him of what you are going to do so that if this guy starts talking about you negatively, he will be forewarned and will know why. You can expect your boyfriend to get angry but tell him that you are handling it and that you want him to let you handle it and not say anything, just be aware. Also, tell him that if he ever heard anything negative about you that you would hope he wouldn’t just believe you but would come to you about it. Say that you would do the same for him.
Letter #: 447041