I was sick one night when I was with my girlfriend, and now I can’t even think about her without feeling nauseous. Help!

Our elder has some reassuring words.

Dear EWC

I would like to make it clear that I love my girlfriend. I absolutely adore her, she’s beautiful, incredibly funny and it’s so easy to be together. Well, it was. It all started when we were at a party together, we were both staying the night, but at around 10 pm, I started to feel ill. I excused myself and went to bed early, she stayed downstairs with our friends. The next few hours were awful. I had all nausea and dizziness that comes with being sick but I just couldn’t throw up. I was lying in bed in an uncomfortable daze until about 1am when she came up to bed. She must have assumed that I was asleep, as she got changed into PJs and lay down next to me, cuddling up. I subconsciously connected the feeling of her and her company with me feeling sick. I lay there for another hour or so before going to the bathroom and finally going sick. I felt a little better but the damage was done. I couldn’t even think about staying the night with her without feeling ill again. I went home early without her, she decided to stay and visit me in the morning. I hoped my accidental connection of her and my sickness would pass when the illness went, but this was over two weeks ago, and even though am as healthy as I can be, I feel as sick as I did that night whenever I think of her. I tried imagining me being intimate with other people, thinking it might have been the cuddling that caused it, but it wasn’t the same. It’s only like this with her. I have no clue what to do, I haven’t even told her. (She’s been away with family, so I haven’t seen her since the morning after the party.) We have plans to meet up soon. Part of me hopes that when I’m with her I won’t feel sick, but I just know I will. Help?

Renee replies

I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s not uncommon for people to have a negative experience and then later, have a negative association with a location in which the experience happened. You are having it with a person.
Any healthy relationship is based on trust and solid communication. Sit down with her and start by telling her that you are absolutely committed to your relationship with her. Tell her what happened to you and that you know that it has nothing to do with her. You can even get her input about whether you should get help now about this or wait to see if it happens again. That way, she will know that you are worthy of her trust and that you trust her.
Hopefully, this won’t happen again. but know that there are therapists who are familiar with this kind of thing and who can help you. This will not ruin your relationship.

Letter #: 445850
Category: Dating/Relationship

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