… and he wants me to help him pay child support!

Leave him, says our elder. There are plenty of good men out there who don’t lie.

Dear EWC

My husband and I have been married less than a year. I have recently found out that he has a child he didn’t tell me about. I also found out that when the mom told him she was pregnant, he blocked her on all social media and stopped talking to her all together. We were going through a rough patch before this but I just don’t think I can trust him anymore. He and his family expect me to just be OK with all of this and give up everything I have so he can pay child support. I want to leave because I’m so hurt but at the same time, I still love him and I know if I leave it will hurt him. My parents said I could come live with them so I have somewhere to go. Is this a valid reason to leave or am I overreacting? I just feel very hurt and my trust for him is ruined. We are barely making it as it is so when child support comes out we won’t be able to afford food and some of our bills and I’m scared we will lose our house. What should I do?

ConstanceF replies

Wow. That is heartbreaking. For me, it’s also a deal-breaker. Having a child is monumental. How could he keep something like that to himself? And obviously his family knew too, and yet no one told you.

I say it’s a deal-breaker because I believe that you can’t have a strong relationship without trust. The fact that he lied (whether by omission or not) about something so huge, means he wouldn’t think twice about lying to you about something small. Like an affair for instance.

Sometimes it’s better to cut our losses. Since you haven’t been married very long, and your parents will welcome you back, leave him. Take as much time as you need to get on your feet, focus on your career and just on taking care of you. Hearing about the disregard he showed to his baby’s mom tells me that he is not going to lose sleep over you for long. He also sounds like he has his family’s support. Let them pay for his baby if he isn’t working.

You will probably always have some love for him. I still love my ex-husband but I’m really happy that I’m not married to him any more. Move on and move up. There are plenty of good men out there who don’t lie.

Letter #: 416346
Category: Dating/Relationship