… but if I leave him to move home, I’ll be back where I started.

Your life has progressed, says our elder. So even if you do move home, you won’t be moving backwards.

Dear EWC

I am at a little bit of a loss at the moment, as to what I want to do next in my life. I will try to explain as quickly as I can so I can get to the actual point. I went to college for cooking, graduated and moved across the country from my family when I was only 20. This was two years ago. In the past two years I’ve moved up at work, make decent money. Got a stable living situation, car, cat, good friends. Basically made a pretty stable life for myself. A few months ago I started to date my boss. This is where the troubles start. We have a decent relationship… However, he is 13 years older than me. I am getting so comfortable with our relationship that I really don’t want to leave him, but I know that I have a lot more life that I need to live and I can’t do it with someone so much older than me.

I have decided that in the next few months it will probably be best for me to move home. Finish paying off some of my remaining college debt. Spend some time with family, hang out with my little sisters. I have the whole thing lined up for the move. It’s just that inside my heart I know that if I go home I might be going right back to where I started and everything I have worked for no longer matters. It’s kind of a matter of pride verses logical reasoning. I’ll get further in life later on if I make this move. However, I do not want to go back to where I started.

Good-Listener replies

I felt compelled to answer your letter since your situation is interesting, and I did something similar to what you did. I was 26. First, let me try to calm your fears. You won’t regress to where you started. I completely understand the fear, but the person you were when you left is no longer there… and I mean that in a good way. Your arguments are all intelligent, articulate and sound. I also got involved with a man 14 years older than me that I worked with (not my boss, but we were in the same office) and that’s why I left one job and moved 3000 miles… so I know a little about that too! We all do what we have to do when we have to do it.

Your life has progressed and you have progressed as a person. That won’t end or slip; it will simply be an add on to the wisdom and confidence you have now. You’re moving back for all the right reasons — and that’s what counts. I have this expression I often use. It’s said in a kidding manner but here’s the truth behind it: “When ya live right, good things happen”. You’re making a tough move for the sound reasons stated. When that happens, small miracles often follow. That means, others will think positively for your actions and want to hear more, and will want to help you. You’re making a good impression without even realizing it, and folks love to hear good stories (especially) about a young person who cares about her family and wants to live responsibly and clean up debt. Yes, will you have to go through the hassle of moving: the inconvenience, things getting broken or lost in the move, and exhaustion and frustration? Of course; that’s what moving is! But in the end, you’ll have the confidence of knowing you did the right thing — and others will applaud you for it.

Your life has moved forward and will continue to move forward, just back in the place you started. Take heart, hold on, and know this is the right thing to do. I’d offer my good luck, but you won’t need it. So, I’ll just wish you a Happy New Year instead (because I know it will be one for you).

Letter #: 452757
Category: Self-Improvement