Oh, and the drunken texts to my co-worker.
Our elder has some advice for a letter writer who knows he crossed a line.
The other day I was let go from my job after an angry conversation I had with a coworker. Basically tensions at work had gotten very tense. Everyone was getting mad at each other and it was not fun to witness. Everyone has been saying so much stuff behind each other’s backs. And because of it another one of my coworkers got hurt by it. This upset me as she and I were close. I actually had feelings for her. Like a lot. I was actually going to ask her out. So when I found she was hurt I tried talking to her. I wasn’t in the best of mind when I did though. I had been drinking at work to relieve the stress. That day was the worst so I had been drinking a lot.
Then when I decided to text her, I had gotten drunker. I just basically ranted about my feelings in a way I thought was trying to help her. Basically telling her everything everyone said. And a bunch of other things. Including a bit about how she was so perfect. We had been to high school together. She was a cheerleader and I was just some guy no one noticed. So it was weird having someone who wouldn’t even notice me being gone be interested in talking to me. Point being I upset her. And she complained to the manager and I got laid off. I had been depressed for some time and this didn’t help. Hanging out with her made me happy and when I tried to show feelings I just showed anger. I’ve only fallen in love twice. And it’s always just anger. Now I’ve hurt her and all my co workers. I don’t know what to do. I really want some help. My seasonal depression has made this 10 times worse than it normally would. Thanks.
I give you credit for honestly assessing your current situation and vulnerability. I’m not sure how old you are, but when I was a young man, I lost out on several relationships through similar reactions. I think I was trying to fill a void in my life with someone else and that rarely works. A good relationship should be an enhancement to your life not a necessity. I came to realize much later that what I really needed to do was to focus on being happy with who I was as a person first. This in turn gives you more confidence which will attract girls. Also, I’m glad that you admitted your drinking problem. I would strongly encourage you to cease that activity. It ruins many people’s lives. If you can do it on your own, great; if not, there is no shame in seeking help.
In regards to your anger, I would suggest writing down what is causing your current feelings. If it’s more than one issue, that’s OK. Next to them, list what action you could take that would improve your attitude. In my experience, writing this kind of analysis down helped to give me clarity on which way to move forward. Most importantly, taking positive action makes all the difference. The worst thing you can do is sit around and rehash negative thoughts. Remember that although bad things may happen to us, we still have the choice as to how we react to them.
As for the depression, if you haven’t done so already, I would speak to your family doctor first. You never know, some people have these problems due to biology. It would be worth investigating. The main thing, even if it was an alternative of an anger management class, would be to take action to remedy this problem so it doesn’t negatively affect the rest of your life. You may not be able to change what has passed, but don’t forget that you have a whole life in front of you.
What I would recommend is making a list of things you like to do and/or potential careers you might want to explore. For fun things you enjoy, there are clubs or groups that often get together around that mutual interest. For work, nowadays there are professional groups for most professions. They have a number of resources and most importantly, you can develop a network within your potential field. It’s always good to network, even if you’re just exploring an area. Also, many times job opportunities are found this way. Google can help you look into these opportunities.
As for future relationships, when you see a girl you like, be friendly and respectful, but not overly so. To a certain degree she needs to perceive that you can live without her just fine. If things get better you can continue to grow the relationship. If not, then she’s probably not right for you anyway. Remember that you deserve someone special and it needs to be a two-way street based on open, honest communication.
Another thing I’ve found is that of serving others. By volunteering some of my time to help others, it has brought me more personal fulfillment than I thought possible. So often, if your focus is ‘all about me’, this mindset will frequently leave you empty in the long run. In my experience, when girls see that you have a heart for others, they also find this attractive.
Thanks for contacting The EWC and I hope this is helpful. If so, please share this EWC resource with family and friends.
Letter #: 456259