I want to marry my boyfriend and we happen to be in Las Vegas right now. Should I drag him to the chapel?
Whoah, says our elder. Don’t do anything hasty on vacation.
Dear EWC
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years. The first three were pretty rocky. Now we are finally on the same page. The subject of marriage has come up often but no solid plans. A few weeks ago we made a pact to stay together regardless of any situation but it was not a formal engagement. I think this is just to keep me here. I’m ready to get married but don’t want to pressure him. What should I do? We are now in Las Vegas on vacation and the wedding chapels are calling me.
PicklesMarie replies
A siren’s call or something legitimate? Take some time to sort this out… don’t marry on this vacation!
I’m not sure whether those Las Vegas wedding chapels are calling you literally or figuratively. I’ll proceed as if you haven’t given in to their calls and as if their calls are just figurative… no wedding chapel is calling your phone with a deal so good it can’t be ignored. You think you and your boyfriend of six years ought to get married and feel a Las Vegas wedding chapel would be a simple way to do the deed!
Whatever you do, don’t push this reluctant guy into marriage. It would be a mistake and make him resent you. Starting a marriage with resentment would be a mistake. It is really important that the two of you agree on getting married wholeheartedly.
The more I read on the topic of being married versus being single, the more I can see benefits to both. Read some of the arguments online and try to keep an open mind. For me, I’d say marriage does give some illusion additional security. A guy may be less likely to leave you high and dry. For me, I still think marriage gives a better modicum of stick-to-it-ness when a couple decides to go down that often difficult road of child-rearing.
Marriage seems, the more I work on The Elder Wisdom Circle, to be an old-fashioned, perhaps outdated, notion. I cannot tell for certain.
It is time you honestly explore your reasons for wanting to get married. Marriage is not a way of entrapping a reluctant man. Dissolving a marriage is costly and usually involves a lot of outsiders who get ‘rich’ off your marriage’s demise. The best I can tell you is to talk with your beloved long and hard about this. He needs to know your reasons for wanting to get married; you need to know his reasons for not wanting to marry.
I hope these ideas help. Sorry I can’t give you a definitive answer. I don’t think it is clear cut. Write again anytime!
Letter #: 407778
Category: Dating/Relationship