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I’ve forgotten how to date

… and my conversation is not so hot either. Can our elder help a letter writer who has run out of things to say?

Dear EWC

I was in a relationship for eight years from high school until about three years ago. It ended badly. I had a lot of trauma from it but I am mentally and physically healthy again. For about a year now I have been trying to get back into dating and form a relationship. Everything goes well at first but then they just go away after a week or two. I know it is me. For the two years after the breakup I chose to be alone, I think that has caused me to forget how to converse and keep up an intriguing conversation with another person. I pretty much am the guy that just says, “Hi! How was your day?”. And then I almost draw blanks or anything to keep the other person entertained. I am wondering what I can do to change this so females want to talk to me, and continue to want to talk to me.

GrannyJ replies

Thank you for writing to EWC. It’s understandable that if you have been away from the dating scene for a while you have become out of practice in making conversation. In fact, social chit chat is sort of learned skill for a lot of people. Some people are very good at it and others find it difficult.
There’s a saying going around on social media right now that people won’t remember you for exactly what you said or did, but rather how you made them feel. People are very receptive to others who show interest in them, and you can do that by using phrases like “Tell me about…” or “What do you think of…? This encourages conversation, and also shows your date you want to get to know her, and are interested in what she has to say. If you already know a little bit about your date, you can be prepared with some questions or comments about particular areas of interest, but there are many generic questions you can ask that will serve the purpose of getting conversation started, and keep it going.

I answered another letter a while back about making conversation in a social setting, and I remember seeing a lot of helpful YouTube videos with tips and ideas. I suggest doing a search and see what turns up. I have also found a couple of articles online that you may find helpful. There are many more, so please consider looking for some articles you feel may be of interest to you.

20 Ways to Perfect Your First Date Conversation


http://www.muscleandfitness.com/women/dating-advice/first-date-tips-best-questions-ask-woman
Another suggestion is that if you have a close female friend or two, maybe you could ask them to give you some advice on what appeals to women on a date, and offer suggestions on how you can up your game a bit. After all, if it has been eight years since you dated, you most likely are out of practice. Maybe you could even ask a female friend or co-worker to go on a practice date with you so you could try out some of the new skills you have learned.
Lastly, conversation is not the only criteria a female will use to decide if a guy is worthy of another date. Manners, punctuality, thoughtfulness, good grooming, and a great smile, are all appealing qualities to bring to the table.

I hope you will find this advice helpful. I hope all goes well, and I wish you great success!

Letter #: 446686
Category: Dating/Relationship

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