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My partner hits me

She says she’ll stop, but I’m at my limit.

What you’re suffering is domestic abuse, says our elder. I urge you to break free.

Dear EWC

I’m 24 years old. My partner is 29 years old. We’ve been together for over three years. Lately we’ve been going on a downhill slope, financially and relationship wise. Lately she’s been physically hurting me, and I’ll admit in the past, I did hit her back. That stopped two years ago on my part, but she still continues to hit me. She’s complaining about me running errands for my work — she thinks I’m doing other things, when I’m not. So today, I picked her up from work after I was done getting food for the office, and she completely started getting mad at me. As I started driving, the arguments got worse. She started throwing me things in the car and then she hit me. Out of anger, I then yelled get out of the car, and she did. I drove off, but then I turned around and tried to tell her to get back in the car, yet she kept avoiding me. Three times I circled around, and then she ran.

So I left it as is… I have no one to confide to, and I just don’t know what to do. I love her. She has a beautiful daughter, and I’ve been in her life since she was two and a half years old to now. We’ve talked about her physically hurting me, and she said she’ll stop, and it hasn’t happened until today. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love her, I still care for her, but I can’t stand the physical abuse. I mean I shouldn’t, right? I don’t know anymore. I don’t want to leave her; she is a good person, but I’ll admit, her anger does get the best of her. I’m truly at my limit, and I don’t know what to do.

June-Bug replies

Thank you so much for reaching out. I am so sorry you are going through this experience. What you describe is domestic violence and you are in danger. I urge you to get yourself to a safe place and take a break from this violent relationship. I understand you still care for her, but your first step is to protect yourself from harm.

This situation is not likely to resolve on its own. She may be a good person deep down, but she is out of control and likely to hurt you even more than she already has. I shudder to think what might have happened when she was hitting you while you were driving. On top of the bodily harm she was causing, she was risking both of your lives. Thank goodness you were able to avoid a car accident during this violent episode.

It’s important that you disengage from her. Remove yourself from the situation and reach out for help. You need someone to talk to who has been through this, knows your pain and knows a way out. Start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their phone number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Jealousy stems from insecurity. That’s not an excuse for her behavior, just an explanation. She needs help working through her issues and finding a healthy way to deal with her feelings. The only way you can affect change in this dynamic is by changing your own attitude and behavior. Options you have are to call the police and press battery charges against her and/or walk away. You don’t have to be a victim. I urge you to own your power and free yourself from this violent situation. You deserve it. Good luck.

Letter #: 455841
Category: Dating/Relationship

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