Boyfriend, may I?

Should I be asking my BF for his permission?

Our elder says, “No!” and here’s why.

Dear EWC:

Hello, I would love to get insight from someone else, especially someone with more experience. My boyfriend and I have known each other for about a year, we never agreed when we officially became partners, cause he mostly has an issue with communication and I don’t really push him; I wish I could though.

My boyfriend will be going on a hunting trip with his guy friends, which I don’t mind. But my friends are also going on a trip to some springs. If I was to go on that trip it’ll be my 3 friends, one girl and two guys. I really want to go and I was very honest with my boyfriend telling him who was going, when I asked him for his opinion, he said it’ll look like two couples are going on a trip. I asked him if that meant no, that I shouldn’t go. He said that he didn’t want to control me, and that it was up to me, but I told him I needed to hear his straight opinion, which he never gave me.

I told my friend that I was not going to go. The main reason being is that if it were the other way around, I wouldn’t want him to go on a trip if two other girls were going with just another guy friend. But unlike him, I’m very straightforward and I would tell him not to go. Did I do the right thing?

Hedwig replies:

It is never a good idea to put power into the hands of another person, especially when you don’t like the results. Note that your boyfriend didn’t need your opinion or permission to take his trip. Why did you ask him about yours?
Look at what you wrote, “He said that he didn’t want to control me and that it was up to me, but I told him I needed to hear his straight opinion.” Why did you need to? He was perfectly right not to answer or try to control you. It would be a no-win situation for him because whatever you did next on his say-so, you could later throw up to him.
And then, out of fear of his disapproval you canceled out. You said that if it were the other way around, you would tell him not to go. You would be straightforward. But it wasn’t the other way around. He made plans he is comfortable with and is going ahead—without your permission. Obviously, you were not comfortable with the plans you made and needed to get his permission to make you feel better.

Did you do the right thing? The right thing is whatever makes you comfortable. If you would be comfortable with your friends, by all means go. If you are not comfortable, don’t try to get the other person decide for you. It is unfair. Either you trust each other or you don’t. It would not be happiness if he told you no to go because of lack of trust. Neither of you own the other. You are both entitled to have friends of either sex without jealousy or making rules.
If you want to go, go, and never let someone else make these decisions for you. Never ask! People who ask permission to live are putting themselves down, using a child/parent relationship. Don’t do this to yourself or you will regret it later.


One Comment

  1. i fill sorry for you and i hope you fill better

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *