“You really messed up,” says our elder. Even if you can’t win her back, here’s how to lose the jealousy and learn from your mistakes.

Dear EWC:

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 month. I loved her so much but I’ve been a little jealous. Long story short… I was able to see her photos on her phone by accident and saw a screen shot of a msg from a guy name Gary in her photo. She use to love Gary 8 years ago. Msg was from Gary saying hey and she responded hi! She loved Gary so much in the past while she was married to another man.

I was able to access her email and saw love email 6 years ago to Gary… But it seems one-sided love from my EX. At one point he blocked her. So I try to hack into her Instagram account to see who the hell is Gary. She caught me breaking into her account. I lied and said it was not me. She didn’t buy it… I ended up telling her the truth. She got so angry at me and broke up with me. She said she didn’t do anything with Gary and it was one-sided love from her back 8 years ago. But they still friends until today’s date. She never mentioned me anything about Gary. I found out myself about him.

Now a week later she’s calm down and responding to me. But my ex told me “I’m sorry I still can’t get over it” also, she said to me good night couple days ago. I don’t know what to do. I still love her and want her back. Any advice?

Mrs. G replies:

I hate to say this but I think you really messed up. I don’t blame your girlfriend one bit for being angry at you and breaking up with you. You violated her trust by hacking into her phone and accounts. If someone did that to me, I also would walk away. So, what can you do now?

`I’m sure you do love her but just because you do, doesn’t mean she will return. She will need to be convinced that you never, ever will do that again so you need to do a whole lot of explaining and apologizing. But, don’t give up hope. If she does, indeed, still care for you, she will come back.

But in the meantime, you need to take a look at yourself and maybe try to change. You are not a bad person for hacking into her phone – rather, you are a very insecure person. You don’t seem to have enough confidence in yourself to trust her and your relationship. I can see why you felt jealousy with her communication with Gary, but it would have been better to just maybe question her on the matter and then leave it alone. Social media allows us to contact all kinds of people, past and present, so it’s quite common for someone to reach out and just say “hi”. That doesn’t always mean a love connection.

You know, we all make mistakes in life so I’m certainly not condemning you nor labeling you an awful person. I just hope you can learn from this mistake and promise to not do that again. Plus, more importantly, I hope you can begin liking yourself more. If you can, jealousy won’t be a problem.

Time will tell whether or not your girlfriend returns so give her some space to think it all through. I hope it all works out well for you; but if not, move on and work at becoming a more self-assured person. You’ll be happier. Good luck.

Dating/Relationship
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