She’s wondering if real-life love measures up to a storybook romance…

Our elder weighs in on the realities and how to find your own “happily ever after.”

Dear EWC:

Hi, I guess this question is a bit of a cliché, but I am really curious as to if true love really does exist. If so, is it like the movies or books? Or is it more mellow and doesn’t turn your brain to mush?
Before you answer me I would like to ask you a favor. Could you please read a book by one of the following authors: Irene Hannon, Dee Henderson, or Lynette Eason. I am measuring true love to the description in these books. Where it makes your heart beat fast, and you can’t even think let alone talk, or where all you want to do is spend the rest of your life with that person.
Please take your time in your answer. I am in no hurry. I need an honest answer and that may take a while. Kind regards, D

Splotch replies:

You are writing because you would like to get an opinion from someone who is older and (hopefully) wiser than yourself. In other words, someone who has been there and done that and can express to you advice based upon our experience. I will be happy to give you my opinion, but you need to remember that I don’t know you or anyone else you are writing about. The only information I have to go on is what you have written. Having said that, here’s what I think.

I’m going to begin by admitting that I didn’t read any of those authors as you requested. I don’t need to because I know the answer to your question … it’s YES, true love does exist. What you described – the fast beating heart; lack of breath; that feeling that you’re going to die if you don’t get close to the object of your love immediately, etc. etc. etc. All those feelings happen, but that’s not true love. True love is much, much more than that. Does everyone find it? I don’t think so. If you find that person, enjoy the “desperation” of the initial parts of the relationship. But don’t choose a partner solely on that basis. Choose someone you can respect and trust.

Here is the most important part: You need to believe in yourself and trust yourself. Trust your gut. It knows what is right and what is wrong for YOU. Trust your gut. It almost always has the right answer. Don’t do anything that your gut tells you is wrong for YOU no matter who wants you to do it. Trust your heart but use your head. If you do that, you will be OK.

What you wrote about are feelings. Feelings have no reason or logic; they are feelings. One feels what they feel and that’s that. But humans do best when they are in balance between their head and their heart. Try for that balance.

I hope what I’ve written helps you, even if it’s only a little bit. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

Dating/Relationship
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