Her beau had a baby with another girl. But she wants him back.
Hold on, says our elder. He’s a dad now and the equation just got more complicated.
Me and this guy have been talking for a year, almost two. We fell in love with each other but we want to keep our bond strong until we decide to commit. But there’s a little problem. He had a drunk night and accidentally had intercourse with a girl who also likes him and they have a baby now.
He told me the other day he thinks he should make his family work—and also wants us to keep our bond. But I’m afraid to lose him to her because lately he’s been over at her grandma’s house helping take care of baby and I feel it’ll make them get stronger. So what can I do to get him to want me and not her, and only co-parent with her? I’ve expressed my feelings for him a lot and tried making up for a lot of drama I caused. I’m just scared to lose the guy I’m in love with. I’m 21 and he’s 29.
This guy who you like has impregnated and had a baby with another girl. You need to accept that fact—and the fact he should and ought to be daddy to this baby. It will take 16-18 years before this baby matures, another fact to accept.
It would be selfish of you to try to pull him away from his infant child. He should try to make things work with the baby’s mother. It would be selfish, in my humble opinion, to try to pull him away.
It would be foolish, too, to think that his having intercourse with his baby mother was purely accidental. On some level, this young man, no matter what he claims, knows what he did. It wasn’t purely accidental and wasn’t just her fault. Open your eyes.
Your love for him will fade over time. That is what happens with love that is not reciprocated in a proper manner!
I hope this helps you to let this fellow go. Any relationship with a guy with an infant child is terribly complicated, and often the child becomes the one most loved. I’d encourage you to move forward without him since he has other commitments.