Do I contact my ex again?

He’s liking a lot of my posts on social media; is he thinking of me?

I can’t answer that, says our elder. But I would advise you to back off for now and get on with living your life.


Q. Dear EWC

I met T. a year ago and we started dating quite intensely. He was going through a lot of career changes, as well as personal challenges which gave a lot of stress to our new relationship. After a few times where he pretty much ‘took a break’, I decided to end things for good. We stayed on friendly terms for a while, until he got a new girlfriend and asked me to stop talking to him (March). I respected his wishes and didn’t reach out again. It is now December, and he has been going to my social media weekly, liking my pictures. I never reacted to his ‘pokes’ as I call them, since he was the one who ended our contact. However, I sent him a message to receive some closure. In it I said I wish him the best, but I also included a song (a collaboration by our two favorite artists). He didn’t respond, but I noticed he has been listening to the song over and over since then. I feel like we both care for each other and need something from each other, but he doesn’t seem to want to actually talk to me? But I’m in his mind?


A. Elder Good Listener replies

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this confusion over the guy in question (T. Sometimes things just don’t work out. You guys had some separation and now he’s responding to you on social media with ‘likes’. He may still have good feelings for you; however, if he wants to take it further? That I can’t say. He didn’t respond to your note but you didn’t ask for a reply and he didn’t give you one. Listening to the songs could mean something but not necessarily what you want.

I would back off. You don’t have to block him or anything like that – no reason to. He can contact you if he wants, but he may still be dating that girl or another one, and may not want to resume a relationship. Is he thinking about you?  As I said, he may be, but maybe not in the same way or with the same intensity you’re thinking about him.

If a number of months go by and you want to check in, go ahead, but don’t pursue… He knows how to contact you and will if he so chooses. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but people change, break up, move on, and sometimes even get back together or remain friends for years and years. Don’t sit home waiting and allowing life to pass you by because you’re wishing and hoping for his response. If it comes, great; if not, then you’re out there living your life. Good luck!



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