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My parents v my boyfriend

They don’t approve of him because we fight sometimes.

Well, screaming at your boyfriend is not a great sign, says our elder. Maybe your mom has a point.

 

Dear EWC

So I have been with this guy for almost five months now but we’ve known each other for over a year. My mom told me that my parents don’t really like him and that really hurt me. I don’t want to be with someone that my parents don’t approve of but I also don’t expect them to approve of everyone I’m with so I’m a little torn. My boyfriend and I do have fights, but I still love him. My parents think he’s a mess and a baby. How do I make my parents like him? Yeah, I’ve had a lot of trouble with this boy, but I honestly wouldn’t want anyone else in my life. My parents think I deserve better and that I’m not a wreck like him, but how do I show them that I love him and that he’s not a complete wreck? I always have fun with him when we’re together but sometimes we do have a really bad fight where we’re screaming at each other. My parents don’t really know the good side to him. Are they really know is our fighting because I usually go to my mom when I need help like advice or just to rant. I really want to marry this man one day but it really hurts me that my parents don’t like him or have any respect for him.

 

Angela-Rose replies

I sense the turmoil in your heart as you feel conflicted because you really want your parents to like your boyfriend. Kris, it is admirable that you place this value on your parent’s opinion. Of course since you have so much fun with your boyfriend, you want your parents to feel the same way. You want them to be happy for you and support the relationship. 

Kris, healthy relationships do not include the element of screaming at each other. Additionally, people are on their best behavior when they are dating. When people get married and life becomes routine and responsibilities pile up, marriages are challenged and people need to have very good coping mechanisms to continue to have a loving and supportive relationship.

The fact that you are already screaming at each other is a sign that I am sure worries your parents. They probably wonder how the two of you will manage to be loving for each other in the hard times that come in life if there are already signs of conflict before you even marry.

Your value of your parent’s opinion is worth giving more thought too. I applaud you for going to your mom when you have relationship problems. She sounds like she loves you very much, believes in you and wants the best for you. You may want to give more consideration to her concerns.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here again, Kris. You seem like a wonderful person who cares about others and I hope you make choices that give you the very best chance for lifelong happiness.

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