I moved state with my partner, but I ended up living in a truck because his boss’s wife didn’t like me. How can I get him back?

I can’t tell you that, says our elder. You deserve someone better.

 

Dear EWC

Sean and I moved to Oregon together six months ago. He started working for a company and we both moved onto the property of his work and also on the same property as his boss and wife. The boss’s wife is a narcissist and was jealous of me because I am about a hundred pounds lighter than her and I think she felt threatened like I was going to get the attention of her husband. So she sabotaged me and Sean fell for it hook line and sinker. I had to move off the property and ended up homeless in my truck and trying to hold down a job. I’ve tried to talk to him but he avoids me now and listens to their every word about me. I have seen him on occasion when he sneaks out off the property without them knowing, almost like he is their child and will be in trouble if they find out he’s seen me. He has been brainwashed and in the meantime with the pandemic going on, my work has to close temporarily and I was forced to move back to California and stay with friends. Sean has gone to the hospital twice now and was admitted for days at a time. He needs me to take care of him and I can’t. Now he’s trying to cut things off with me and I love him. He presumed me for two years before all of this and now, since these stupid people have influenced him, he wants nothing to do with me. I am heartbroken and want him to come back to me. How can I get his attention again?

Linda replies

One of the most important qualities to look for in a partner is loyalty. Where was Sean’s loyalty when he allowed you to become homeless in your truck? Where was his loyalty when he believed his boss’s wife over his significant other? In a healthy relationship we need to feel validated and heard. If he can be so easily manipulated by other people, what chance would you have of being in a normal committed relationship with him? 

What I can tell you is during your lifetime, you have the capability of falling in love numerous times. Love can come and go in your life but it should never hurt. When we love someone we treat them with respect and kindness. If we get badly hurt by someone it can take a while to recover. However, during that recovery process we can grow from the experience and begin putting ourselves first. When we do that we become stronger people and more in control of our lives. You must never allow someone to so abysmally mistreat you again. As for him being sick and needing you to take care of him, where was his care and concern for you when he allowed you to live in your truck?  

You will find in life that most or all of what happens to us comes down to the choices we make. Our choices take us in many directions and some have the power to change who we are. Please don’t choose to debase yourself by groveling for the love of this man. Although I’m only getting one side of the story, the fact he allowed you to live in your truck tells me all I need to know about him. 

I love the quote from the famous writer and poet, Maya Angelaou, which says:  “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time!”  This man has shown you his true colors by his lack of loyalty, empathy or basic human kindness. I’m sorry, but if you’re looking for someone to tell you how to get him back, I’m afraid I’m the wrong elder. All I see is someone who didn’t put you first. It is my opinion you should put as much time and distance between him as possible. He belongs in your rear view mirror. You can do decidedly better and more importantly, you deserve better!

Dating/Relationship #468916