Ghosted by the one who got away

I finally realized I have feelings for my friend from high school – but now he’s in NY and he won’t reply to my texts.

Let him make the moves now, says our elder.


Dear EWC

I’ve been friends with this guy I went to high school with and he told me he liked me but I didn’t at the time. We graduated and a few years passed and I’ve realized I have feelings for him but I was too afraid to tell him seeing as how he might not feel the same anymore. 

We got in touch again (he lives up the block from me) and we realized we both still like each other and I finally admitted to him that I’m attracted to him. We started heavily texting for a few but never got to hang out and he left for NY for a couple of months (he is still in NY and might come in June) but we were still talking a lot about hanging out when he gets back and all the stuff we want to do, sexual and non sexual. Problem is now he is barely answering me back and if he does it’s only one word replies, or he leaves me on read. I’m so confused and hurt because I really like him and I thought it could get serious between us when he gets back. But how do I know if he’s lost interest and if so why? I thought things were going so good – our last real conversation over text was even a flirty one and pretty heated. What changed? Why are boys so confusing? I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything resembling one so I’m just sad and confused and lonely.


MaRobne replies

I agree with you, boys are hard to read. Some boys are only interested in the chase. They want what they can not have. If you are not interested – they are. When they finally convince you to be interested – they are not because the chase is over.

In this case, because he is in New York right now, things are even harder to read. It sounds as though you are not even sure he is coming home in June. It is also possible that he might have met someone else in NY. It is possible that he did not meet someone else but is no longer sure he is coming home in June and does not want to be in a long-distance relationship. The point I am trying to make is that we do not know anything about what he is feeling. You can only take hints by his actions. I agree with you. I am not sure he is still interested in you. Maybe he is but he thought things were moving too fast. Who knows? We do not know. You can only take clues from his actions.

At this point, I would stop texting/emailing etc. Wait for him to contact you and only send a short answer. I know that this is difficult but I think this is what you need to do if you want to find out if he in interested or not. The fact that he leaves you on read only should be kind of telling.

It is difficult to move on but you do not want to waste time and effort on someone who is no longer interested.

(I think, though, that I need to mention one other concern I have. Why did you suddenly decide you were interested? Is is because you have not met anyone else? Just to let you know – I hear from lots of young women who a few years after graduation start thinking about ‘the one who got away’ while in school. This can be after high school or college graduation. They are a few years out of school, have not met anyone special ,and wonder if they let a good one go. It is not so much that they are interested as that they are lonely and wondering about what might have been. I am not saying that this is the case with you. It is just something to think about.)

Again, I think you should let him make the moves now. Stop initiating conversations. See what he does. If he does not contact you then it is time to move on. Difficult to do but better to do now.

I am sorry not to be more upbeat today but I am only trying to look out for your best interests.

Take care and be well. Feel free to write again if you would like to talk further.


Article #: 472920

Category: Dating/Relationship

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