Not only that, he cheated on me and they have an eight-year old child together!
Our elder is not impressed with a letter writer’s choice of boyfriend.
Dear EWC
I just broke up with my boyfriend as he cheated on me with his ex who is a prostitute. Apparently, he has been cheating on me with her for the entire two years we’ve been together. I’m completely confused as he was always very jealous of me even looking at another man so why then doesn’t he mind that his ex sleeps with so many men and then him. It makes no sense. They have an eight-year-old son but he always told me he’s over her long ago. Meanwhile, I have been the big joke all this time. I’m so confused and even more embarrassed as I thought I made him happy in all ways yet it wasn’t enough and he had to go back to this disgusting woman – why why why? How come it doesn’t bother him that she sleeps around yet he would explode with jealousy if I even smiled at someone else. I’m just trying to make sense of all this. I actually feel dirty, used and disgusted in myself and him. He lied to me from the start about not speaking to her anymore. I will really appreciate your advice on this. I don’t have anyone to speak to about this problem and just want to try to understand everything about this nightmare better.
Terri-Anne replies
I know I am “old” and “old fashioned” and I just don’t understand why a nice person like you would think that a “boyfriend” who has an eight-year-old child with a prostitute would be a good candidate for a boyfriend? Not only that but he still has a sexual relationship with her!
I will be very honest with you and direct in my response. I am giving you my honest opinion and it’s not meant to hurt or offend you. My first suggestion is for you to see your doctor for a complete checkup since I assume you have been sexually active with this man. Your decision to be with this guy may have ruined your own chances for your future health and you need to tell your doctor all about it.
We get a lot of requests from women just like you who got involved with and fall in love with guys similar to your boyfriend although the prostitute situation is a new one to me. I just don’t understand why young women today will accept a person who is so obviously flawed morally, spiritually, and emotionally. I also don’t understand why they put up with abuse from a boyfriend. I have a feeling you thought you could change him even though you knew about his son. You cannot change anyone. This man will only change when he is ready to change. He is not a good father as he has shown very poor judgment in selecting a prostitute for a mother. Don’t make excuses for him and don’t believe his excuses that she tricked him or it just “happened.” He is now responsible for that child until the age of 18. The relationship with this woman will continue for at least 10 more years. The person who will suffer the most is the child.
My best advice is for you to never call, text or email this guy ever again. He has been abusing you throughout your entire relationship and you need to put a stop to it immediately. You deserve so much better than a lying, cheating abuser. You gave him two years of your life that you can’t get back. You and only you have the power to make your life a great life and it starts with making excellent choices.
Be careful with your next choice of a boyfriend. There are plenty of nice guys who don’t visit prostitutes, have ex-wives or children. Don’t just settle for anyone. It might be helpful for you to identify what you are looking for and then don’t compromise. That’s what I did 50 years ago. I knew I didn’t want someone who was a “drinker” because my parents were alcoholics. I also didn’t want a smoker because I hated the smell. I didn’t want someone who was divorced or had children. A divorced person has already failed at marriage and the chances of failure again are very high. I also wanted a person who had the same political and religious beliefs that I did. Fortunately, we found each other and have had a successful marriage of nearly 45 years. You can too if you know what you want.
Please be good to yourself. Don’t ever settle for a loser again. You deserve the best life has to offer and it starts with you and the choices you make.
I hope my advice is helpful and that you will contact Elder Wisdom Circle again if you need us. We are always here.
Article #: 474905
Category: Dating/Relationship